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Question: As a one who viewed this video, how do you rate this book?
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Author Topic: VIDEO | Stop Caretaking the BPD or NPD~ Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT  (Read 1799 times)
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8817

« on: December 23, 2016, 09:55:44 AM »

"Caretakers have a mixed self esteem - part of it is very high and part of it is not... ."

Date: Apr-2014Minutes: 4:56

Stop Caretaking the BPD or NPD | Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT

We showcase some of Fjelstad's concepts in this article abouyt reducing drama in your life:  bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

About the Speaker
Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT, has a private psychotherapy practice in Ft. Collins, CO, specializing in work with clients who are in relationship to someone who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, and she facilitates groups on Caretaker recovery. She has previously been an Adjunct Faculty member at Regis University in Colorado Springs and at California State University in Sacramento.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist
Author: Margalis Fjelstad, PhD, LMFT
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers (February 7, 2013)
Paperback: 190 pages
ISBN-10: 144222018X
ISBN-13: 978-1442220188


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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: SO and I have been together 9 years and have just moved in together this summer.
Posts: 3462

« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2016, 03:09:38 PM »

Recognize myself as a caretaker... .always have but didn't always understand or recognize the dysfunction that can come with that role.  Liked the video would be interested in the book too.  I see a lot of the caretaker in one of my SO's daughters too.

Thanks for sharing the video.


"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink
oshinko maki
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Posts: 51

« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2016, 03:30:00 PM »

Thank you for the helpful video. The truth hurts (why?).
I did reach a point a long the way though, several years ago, where I realized that no amount of care-giving will help and that I no longer care enough to care-give and that I need to minimize interaction and otherwise set borders in order to have any healthiness at all.
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 87

« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2016, 09:51:39 AM »

I was definitely caretaking my ex. She said that she needed "a lot of handling," and I was happy to oblige. I tend to take care of others in general in my life, but not to anywhere near the same depth. People come to me with their problems. They tell me they trust me with stuff they wouldn't tell others. It gets so overwhelming sometimes that I have to limit it to those closest to me. I haven't been able to invest that much in others since breaking with my ex (or since meeting her, when all my attention went to her). I do get a sense of satisfaction from caring for others, but I haven't been as capable of it lately. I've been very withdrawn and self-absorbed. I just don't have the attention or emotional energy.

I'm halfway through the book, and I'm getting a lot out of it, but Fjelstad can't cover all cases. In the video, for example, she says caretakers tend to be high-functioning. I don't fit that criterion. I'm high-functioning intellectually, but otherwise I'm impaired. Although my mood disorder is mostly under control, anxiety continues to cripple me in school, work, romance, and even really basic areas like talking on the phone.
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