Thinking back on what I just wrote, I wanna delete everything... .but then I'm not facing my feelings... .right?
Right. That's very perceptive of you DL.
I've felt as you do before too, that someone else was to blame for my exBPDgf's past actions. I struggled with integrating the good and the bad into the whole person she was. It's hard to remember how we struggled under the same roof, all I wanted to hold onto was the good times. There were times I thought "if she would only stop hanging out with that crowd of friends or this crowd, or stop drinking, things would be ok." I was in denial of plenty that went on when no one was around but the two of us.
I lied to myself because I didn't want to go through the pain of a breakup without the person who had on many occasions gave me comfort. It got better over time, when I started learning how to comfort myself.
