Nice Jerry, good for you for digging into this stuff.
What would it mean if you let go of the drama with your ex?
I would think my life would be more peacefull, less drama, I would have the energy that I now put into understand her behaviour and put it to better use?
What would it cost you if you no longer had the drama for comfort?
I don't know because I've lived in it for years, before this relationship I thought about myself more, probably too much, but I did a lot more fun things I enjoyed and hobbies and things like that. I have a difficult time relaxing now, I have this underlying feeling I'm wasting time when I'm not productive.
Yes, while the drama has taken a lot of time and energy, and continues to, it's may also be serving the purpose of providing a distraction, keeping you away from you. Thinking about yourself is good, necessary even, for periods of time, we don't want to live there full time, but if you find yourself thinking about yourself and your life, and not liking what you're feeling, then it's natural to look for a distraction to get caught up in, and if it's not especially healthy, like your relationship with your ex, then it becomes a dysfunctional coping tool.
He's something to try: turn off all the computers, phones, televisions, whatever, no music, no plans, no distractions, and just be. Just sit there in a quiet place and think about your life, not reacting to anything, just being, as you watch the emotions that come up float by, move through an leave. If you've never done that or not for a while it will be very difficult at first, you won't be able to sit still and you'll look for more distractions. But don't. It gets easier with practice and is a way to move into yourself, move into your body, create inner peace and calm. And when you get to that you won't be looking for ways to get out of it, and distractions that served a purpose before, like your ex's antics, will become all downside and no upside, and you can make decisions from that place as to how you handle raising your son with her.