Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
May 02, 2024, 08:17:38 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
ANOTHER BPD in my life?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: ANOTHER BPD in my life? (Read 416 times)
SoCalGirl
Offline
Posts: 304
ANOTHER BPD in my life?
«
on:
December 09, 2010, 01:56:34 PM »
To make a very long story short, I joined these boards 2 years ago when I was 22, going on 23. I am 25 now. I am still very young, I know. I was in a really bad relationship with my exBPDbf. I thought I had moved on and learned. Maybe I didn't.
Last year, I became involved with a former classmate in high school. He was (and still is) very soft-spoken, calm (on the surface), gentle, very soft-looking, nice, decent person with a very good education, also the same age as me. We had our ups and downs and arguments, but it seemed as if things always went back to the good times. When he was in a bad place in his life, I was always there for him, and arguably the only person there for him. We talked and talked every single day. We were best friends, technically. He always confided to me and I always confided to him. He always complimented me and told me nice things about me, how grateful he was there I was there for him.
Cut to a year later. He and I live closer to each other, much closer. Like 6 miles away. He seems to have changed into a totally different person. Last night, he tells me that he never liked me, never liked me back then, and never will. Although we have been intimate and his friends used to consider us a couple, he doesn't want us to be an official couple, and wants to tear me down. "I don't like you, I don't like you, I don't like you," he told me over and over. "I don't like talking to you". He then says that he has never liked talking to me, that things right now were the same back then. At the same time he tells me he doesn't like talking to me, he keeps on talking to me for another 30 minutes and acts as if he wants to listen to me. He appears to listen to me but he shows no remorse or empathy. He also tells me that he will never move on as long as he is connected with me, yet at the same time, he doesn't like me. None of this conversation makes sense. Things were seemingly bad just 3 weeks ago, but they were petty. We then reconciled again, made up for it, and he treated me like a Queen, and even staying over in my house just to talk to me for awhile before telling me he wanted to see me again. That was 2 weeks ago. This is now. I am still the same person. I have nothing new. His half-sister has BPD; his mother either has NPD or BPD, and they are estranged. I did not know this information until recently. He has never really had a girlfriend, but has never been promiscuous, either. In the past, he has chased two women who never ever liked him, who dated him briefly and then dumped him. But not me. I fell into the trap. I felt like he was projecting his own traits against me because the things he told me he hated about me were the exact same traits he has himself, and probably more obviously. I felt like he was splitting me back and forth.
Could this be another BPD-inflicted person in my life?
Part of me feels sane but part of me feels so weirded out by what just happened.
Logged
havana
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Widower
Posts: 5308
Re: ANOTHER BPD in my life?
«
Reply #1 on:
December 09, 2010, 02:00:04 PM »
I don't knoww if he is BPD but from what you wrote do you really want to take the chance or be with someone that treats you that way?
Logged
Life is short. Shorter for some than others.
SoCalGirl
Offline
Posts: 304
Re: ANOTHER BPD in my life?
«
Reply #2 on:
December 09, 2010, 02:01:36 PM »
Quote from: havana on December 09, 2010, 02:00:04 PM
I don't knoww if he is BPD but from what you wrote do you really want to take the chance or be with someone that treats you that way?
'
I don't want to be with him but I just want to validate my thoughts and remind myself that I am not crazy... .it was a strange conversation.
Logged
SoCalGirl
Offline
Posts: 304
Re: ANOTHER BPD in my life?
«
Reply #3 on:
December 09, 2010, 02:21:22 PM »
These are the traits I just figured out last night:
1) He judges me based on the very last encounter we had with each other, not even remembering the great times we had together or the fact that I was there for him.
2) He says he doesn't my personality because I "talk about myself way too much" and then "talk about the past way too much", but he himself talks A LOT about himself and the past.
3) He has hundreds of friends on Facebook, but 90% of them are people he doesn't even know, and they live in a state very far away from where we live. He only has about less than 5 real friends who are there for him through thick and thin, and on a personal, real-life level.
4) His mother often splits him, she views him as either all good or all bad and favors the other children over him although he is arguably the most hard-working and determined, and she mostly splits him black.
5) He tells me he has liked me for a long time, then later on tells me that he has NEVER liked me- to him I am either great or the scum of the earth.
6) He talks to people who obviously don't show any interest in him.
Logged
2010
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 808
Re: ANOTHER BPD in my life?
«
Reply #4 on:
December 10, 2010, 04:42:11 AM »
Excerpt
6) He talks to people who obviously don't show any interest in him.
His interest and your interest are linked together based on his behavior. His interest in you is to put you down. Your interest in him is to wonder why he puts you down.
When you wonder why someone does this to you and you keep returning to ask questions- it gives the abuser permission to continue to abuse you. The only way to treat people who abuse you is to take your power back and walk away. You dont have to explain yourself, you just need to give yourself permission to be treated fairly and that begins with establishing what you will and what you wont stand for. Allowing a Narcissist to determine the outcome will only prolong your objectification as a target of aggression. Dont allow it. Hold your head high and disengage.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
ANOTHER BPD in my life?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...