So, it sounds like this second date went well.  Any new red flags?  How are you feeling today?

Yes, it went really well. I did notice some red flags but then I wondered if shes testing me and its her way of saying im passing her tests.

We did make a bet in the beginning about who would offend each other first, as a joke because we both usually offend our friends based off our humor.

she told me about some dates she went on, and the guys only message her at night like shes a bootycall. she said although she still meets them at bars, its fun at times. but she tells me how she actually likes how i want to talk to her during the day unlike others. she told me how shes not looking for a rs right now, and wants to date because she got out of a rs back in march/may. and i told her im fine with that and im not in a rush either.

So eevrything she said about her dates, she mentioned me and how I 1 up it in my opinion.

another time, she told me how she wished she had more female friends and its hard for her to find female friends, although it sounds very cliche.

we had dinner, we then drove to this cafe. she told me how no one has ever made reservations for her before. and i told her how i have never made reservations for anyone before. we both smiled

then we walked around this area we are both unfamiliar too. joking and laughing. time was going by so much. I was stressing about if we were going to get bored of another. but that did not happen.

she mentioned how she was nervous on our first date. I told her i was too. she asked why, and i asked her why she wanted to know?

she said "just wondering because one time i went on this date with someone, and he was extremely nervous. and he texted me the next day and apologized because he said his friends all told him i would tear him apart because im a huge B!tch" and I looked at her, and I said youre not even mean. and we both talked about how people in our lives think we are mean or too offensive based off our humor. and we joked about how we havent fought yet. and i asked her "how does it feel dating someone you have no idea about or anyone knows?" and she said "its excited "

we held hands here and there for brief moments. i tried being slick and gettng her hand in the car, but she told "you need some better moves i seen it all" and we laughed. and then here and there i would have her put her hand on my shift knob with my hand on top because i was teaching her about shifting in my manual car and she said "btw this doesnt count as hand holding" and we joked.

i put my hand on her thigh, and my excuse was my hand was cold. nothing sexual but just build tension.  

we got stuck in traffic after getting purposely lost on the freeway . we got stuck in traffic then there was fireworks. and we started talking and she asked some deep questions. she asked if im a "player" and i told her no, and ive not slept with more than a certain number, and she said the same and we both dont sleep around. the only two she slept with were the ones she was in a relationship with. she asked how long ago i got out of a rs. and i told her how i dated some other people after. i didnt reveal any information about why those didnt work out.

she asked me if i felt a difference in our 3 year age gap. and i told her not really and how we both are pretty goofy and corny. she told me how she is way more goofy than me. and she told me she feels some gap because the guys she dates or been with are extremely immature and insecure compared to me. how i dont get jealous at all, or upset.

this made me wonder if she was testing me about mentioning her previous dates to weed me out.

later on around midnight we got tacos. it was a hole in the wall spot, and she asked me "how do you know about this place?" I decided to play her own game, and be truthful and say " i came here with someone else before" while we walking to our table. she said "oh". i think i somehow gave her a taste of her own medicine. but then right after i saw her engagement go even more up. she asked me if i ever heard of these questions that you ask your partner to make each other fall in love. we asked each other some as we ate. we bonded really well. she told me how she had work at 8am but stayed with me until 2am and told me not to worry and it was okay.

after cruising and talking i dropped her off home. we spent 12 hours together. and that didnt even feel like enough time. i walked her to her doorstep and she gave me a very tight hug. i got her some treats for her dog that i didnt get to meet because it was so late.

i got home around 3am. she messaged me asking if i made it home safe. then when i woke up she sent me a pic of the leftovers from our dinner. we talked a bit but she didnt reply. then later on in the night she sent a video of her giving her dog my treat i got her. i responded and she didnt reply.

she told me in person she does her best not to stay on her phone or on social media. so maybe thats why she doesnt talk much to me on phone.

i would like to ask her on a third date but want to wait and not come off clingy or strong.

I made her laugh so much and i remember i almost made her snort. she also made me laugh and i felt so much joy together. i dont think i have connected with any of the people i dated previously unlike with her. we really have so much in common and we both arent scared to disagree either. but we get surprised when we disagree with another.


Thank You! but we sha'll see in time 

One thing you mentioned earlier is that you'd like to be in a relationship with someone who knows how to listen.  On your first date with this girl you reported that she did most of the talking and you did this listening.  How did this second date go from that perspective?  Were you able to express yourself and feel OK?

Awwwww CryWolf,

How nice to hear that you having such a good time!

How lovely!

~pearl.

What do you feel is the mismatch with the texting style? Was any of it conditioned or learned from your ex or is this all you?

How much do you feel that your texting style  (comfort level) is really you or that which is left overt from your ex?

I literally rear ended another vehicle when my ex texted me "when will you be home?" I was so distracted by that.  I was only 5 minutes from home and was on time to arrive when I told her I would in the morning  but I was "trained" to always respond. 

Happy for you that second date was so good. She may appreciate a phone call to chat and set a date during that convo.

Some women like to be pursued, but some can be turned off of you pursue too much.  If give it a day and send a neutral friendly "how's it going?" Or similar. 

Cry I can't say all I want to right now so will be back later, but wanted to say please respect her wish to not use texting as her main form of communication. It sounds like you both place vastly different value on texts.  As humans we are meaning making machines.  Be conscious of that.  What I hear is along the lines of  'she hasn't text for 12 hours so this means she doesn't like me and she's seeing someone else'.  A lot can happen in my life in 12 hours and if replying to my phone isn't a priority then messages can sit for far longer.

If she's not responding much and the communication is flat, give her some space from the texts and see what happens. She's let you know that being on her phone a lot isn't her style and I can relate. You may be pushing her boundary by continuing to text.  It's only early days yet in getting to know one another. Be mindful of your expectations and try to get past the anxiety. Disordered relationships are super intense and move really fast. The fact that she's not diving in feet first can be a good sign of her emotional health. Take your time.  There is no rush.

Love and light x

I’m not sure how to look into the grey with this.

I don’t understand how you don’t reply back to someone in 24 hours.

She texted me this morning, and asked “are you still gonna work at a pharmacy?” I replied with “I received an offer to a different company so maybe”

I sent her a Snapchat asking who she’s going for in the World Cup as well.

I need to take a step back a and compose myself. I’ve been  little things gets to me and dwelling on negatives rather than the positive. I’m dwellings on the things she hasn’t done than the thing she she has done and I’m scared I’m going to ruin this.

I wanted to tell her she sucks at texting but, that wouldn’t be a good idea.

My friends all told me that if she liked me she would at least put an effort in texting me.  Not make me feel like I don’t matter and talk to me when it’s convenient for her.

The thing is she made me a playlist when I asked her for music and she put a cute title that pertained to our date. The songs were lovey dovish.

When I messaged her a song I liked all she said was “yah same”... seriously? And when I reminded her to send me this video she kept talking about and made a comment about it, she didn’t even reply to it. But on the date she was so excited to show me it... .so idk.

I don’t know what to do, before I would just go along with her not responding on Snapchat. But now it’s annoying. And we both said how we’re busy but idk if she’s doing it to play games or she’s actually busy. And I’m scared I’m going to push her away because all I wanted was a conversation through text with her.

I don’t want her to think “wow I have this guy in the bag, he’s so easy” and then think I’m annoying and stop talking to me. But I also am afraid if we don’t text she won’t like me and we won’t have a deep connection.

Let her approach me. Back off. Have a take it or leave it attitude like the previous girls I dated. Stop caring about everything she thinks about. Not makes her a priority if I’m not one.

Stop forcing things. I got so hooked by her.

I think I became really hooked by our second date based off our bonding and talking. and also her being distant inbetween dates and her feelings being unclear as well as mine that ive shown her.

She could be feeling anything, but idk. this friday we have a date. and I hope it goes well. no idea what to plan.

You guys are absolutely right. I was putting too much detail into the texts. My friends were getting in my head about texts and if someone liked me they would make time for me. They also were telling me she probably was just using me for dates. This got me so affected. me being ignored or waiting for responses makes me feel like I’m not a priority and she’s with some one else. But I need to stop thinking like this. It’s not healthy and I’m only self sabatoging.

I hate not knowing and not feeling in control. I need to be more in the present and go with the flow and present moment. I’m not sure how to become more accepting of this. I know this is the right approach to many things and it’s worked so far. I need to stop putting meaning behind everything and look at any negative.

Today I asked her if she was busy to hang out and she told me she was at her second job and we actually had a convo sporadically on snap.

I need to stop placing meaning on texts and if she’s doesn’t respond to me it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. My whole life has been used to texting and if someone who doesn’t text back means they aren’t interested. But so far the dates speak for themselves.

I need to practice being calm and in the moment and positive.

So far things are back on track. Date is this Friday.

I want to kiss her but the timing is never right and she backs away sometimes when I get close or when I walk her to her door she quickly hugs me. She seems very nervous and anxious

It’s supposed to rain this Friday. And I was thinking of going to lunch and then a lake but idk anymore. I’m not sure what to plan and be romantic. I love planning and I’m kind of in a block right now

Very good point Turkish. And yes has been more touching, and she initiated as well. But I still think she is waiting for the kiss to be later down. Idk. Shall see Friday.

Thank you for the amazing advice Once Removed.

I truly appreciate it and have been re reading it multiple times to soothe my anxiety.

However, I am extremely anxious of her talking to other guys.

Last week our date was on Tuesday. Last night she responded to my snap around 1am taking A picture in someone’s passenger seat. Last week, I saw her take a pic on snap of being in my passenger seat. Not sure if she’s talking to multiple guys and doing the same thing.

I asked her “how was your day?” And she said “it was really good”
She does have a nanny job, could be someone giving her a ride home. Could be Uber giving her s ride home since she doesn’t drive. Could be a date.

These thoughts are driving me crazy. I’m going all
Out on my dates and I’m not sure where I even stand with her if she’s dating other people. I haven’t dated someone before who dates other people.