I can see clearly now

[dancinginthelight]

It wasnt really a 4 year r/s that I thought I had with him.  Yeah, we met up in 2008 and he idolised me

for about a year.  He claimed he was so into me and loved me deeply.  As long as I was in his life, thats

all that mattered to him.  He was just mirroring my attraction that I had for him.  It wasnt love on his part

at all.  He was always updating his photos on a date site while I was involved with him.  He said he only

went on site to find friends?

That was in 2009.  2010 he got a flat near me as it was impossible for him to live with me because my

teenage daughter was obnoxious, she did not approve of me seeing this guy.

I would go and visit him when I could as I had to take care of my d, who was becoming more mentally

unstable.  This put a huge strain on r/s but what else could I do?  My d needed me, even though her behaviour

towards me became violent and aggressive.

Fast forward to 2011, found the ex on a new date site, saying he was looking for r/s. He did not say a word

to me that he wanted out or that he was unhappy with me.

We were only seeing one another once a week by then.

My intuition was telling me that all was not well.  I suspected him of lying.  Everything became so unreal.

This man was not whom I thought he was anymore.

I had virtually had to make appointments to visit him.  I allowed all this as I did not want to stress him out as

he was having problems at work.

He was not paying his rent and made no effort to resolve this. All lead to him being evicted.

Three days later he found a new place.  In my heart I knew he was checking out of this r/s.

In 2012, febuary, he allowed me to visit his new place. once.  That was it.  March, his calls were becoming

scarce.  I never saw him hardly.

April, he disappeared.  Early may 2012, he rang and said he hated the world and wamted tp be alone.  I asked

him if he had found someone new. He denied this saying he loved me deeply and there was no one else.

He offered to take me to lunch.  Stupid me did not see this as the last Id see of him.

And thats it!

The reason Im posting this, and I know Ive repeated myself alot on this board, is to say that I am in a much

better place today.  Not 100% but becoming stronger emotionally.

I am able to avoid certain websites that he uses. No longer want or have the desire to know anything what

he gets upto or doing.


It wasnt real, any of it.  Im not perfect and made mistakes, but my love for him was real and genuine.

Sadly he wasted 4 years of my life and regret ever having met him and believed in him.  It wasnt real on

his part from begining to end.

Do I sound cruel and heartless?

[LoveNotWar]

NO, you do not sound cruel and heartless. It sounds like you're being realistic about the nature of a r/s with a pwBPD.

It also sounds like you are moving forward and re-establishing your balance.

It's a journey that's for sure... .