So two days ago I got a call from a large research university here in Indiana and I was floored to be informed I was invited to interview for a new job where I am the #1 candidate. Just a day later I bottomed out when I realized I wanted to call the exBPDgf and realized I couldn't talk to her. She may or may not answer, but since I told her not to contact me almost a month ago we haven't spoken, texted, emailed or even sent smoke signals. Last night talking to a friend I cried, wept really over this. She was kind enough to listen to me and cared enough it made her cry too, but I felt awful all day today as well. The I remembered she was a teacher who lost her job four years ago for sleeping with an 18 y/o boy who was a student at her school, she was 38. Now she has been living with her parents since losing her job and won't move on with her life. She doesn't understand why she can't get a teaching job, why her family doesn't respect her, and why I was upset with her after finding her repeatedly contacting students and a married colleague with who she had an affair while she was married.
After reminding myself of all of this I cried a little less and felt like puking a little more. But why did I feel so bad that I wasn't able to share my good fortune? Will she come try to recycle when she gets the news of my new job? I'm not counting on getting it, I guess they may still decide to go in another direction. It was still weird not talking to her and I can't believe how much it threw me off.
