I have been going over my r/s with my ex gf and thinking of some of the huge red flags that I overlooked. 2 of the worst actually came on the first and second dates and thinking about them, I cannot believe I saw her again let alone lasted 4 years with her! I actually shudder to think of them but I'll share them with you here.
1st date - 1st
- my ex gf invited me to hers for a drink after we had been talking and texting for a month, in this time it felt (to me) like we'd already built a strong connection and that something beautiful was forming. When I got to her house about 7pm, she'd clearly been drinking, she wasn't drunk but she'd at least had a couple
Nevertheless, she looked so attractive and was immediately flirty, playful, warm, welcoming and seemed completely at ease with me, I couldn't believe how quickly we seemed to gel. She carried on drinking and after a couple of hours was pretty drunk.
Now for the really weird part - she decided to order pizza and when the pizza guy arrived she went to the door to meet him, she didn't know but I stood near her in case she needed a hand but she couldn't see me. She then proceeded to drunkenly invite the pizza guy in to join her!
Fortunately, the pizza guy was very professional and did not want to come in even though she offered several times. She then asked for his number but he just gave her the pizza company number on the box. After he had gone, she then tried calling him on the number whilst sat next to me! At the time, I let it go as I just thought she was nervous about meeting me and had had a little too much. Little did I realise I was already becoming enmeshed! It was such a weird experience and I'd never stand for that again!
2nd date - 2nd
- I arranged to go out with her to the village where she lived for drinks. There were 2 or 3 bars/pubs that we were going to visit. When we got to the first bar, she immediately began running up to groups of men, hugging them, kissing them on the cheek, buying them drinks, letting them buy her drinks, laughing and joking with them as if they were long lost best friends. After she'd done this with one group of men, she run to the next area of the bar and do it with another group of men. I hardly saw her and she never spoke to me during the entire night! It was horrible seeing her throwing herself at these guys, I'm sure some were exes, some just knew her and some seemed like they couldn't even remember who she was. One of the strangest moments was when she pulled a young man on to the dance floor and forced him to dance with her, but all she while she had a confused look on her face as if he was the one who had pulled
her on to the dance floor. After a few hours, I tried my best to get her home but she said she was staying out until at least 3.00am. I eventually just left and went home as it was a horrible night. She text me the following afternoon to apologise and I forgave her as despite all this, I was still falling for me! Her beauty and innocent charm attracted me so much it was scary.
After this, things calmed down somewhat but it was still the typical BPD r/s with other horrifying red flag moments still happening occasionally over the years. These extreme incidents kind of dropped off and made way for the everyday drama, conflict, mood swings and walking on eggshells etc. We had a ton of good times and I miss her dearly but whenever I think back to those first two dates, I cannot believe I didn't see how troubled she was and break it off - never again!
Thanks for reading.
