Update about my Mom

[isshebpd]

Just an update:

I agreed to watch my parents (uBPDmom and enDad) house while they were away for a week. Easy stuff, like collecting the mail and watering the lawn. What I didn't know was my uNPDbro was staying in their basement. You see, he is above such menial chores. All he ever does right now is go on the internet and play video games. He is 35 and acting like an immature teen.

So I was forced to communicate with uNPDbro in a minimal way despite my previous plan to have nothing to do with him. He is now morbidly obese and can't walk across the room without breathing heavily, so I don't know if he'll make 40. I really, really wanted to ask him to come outside and help me. I bit my tongue hard, and just let it go.

I can't decided whether I'm being respected as the more responsible brother or do my parents think uNPDbro is above such tasks, or are they afraid of him?

What will it be like when my parents are elderly (they are mid 60s now) and disabled? At some point, the brat has to chip in.

My uBPDmom is getting better at hugging. She still hasn't said the word "love" but we're working on it. I wonder if I, or my siblings, ever got hugged by her as kids. She hasn't raged around me in months now.

I'm taking a break from therapy because I need to deal with my emerging drinking problem. I was just a social drinker (though I drank a lot in my late teens and early 20s), but in the last couple of years I've returned to it. My therapist apparently wants me to ease off the drinking before going back.

[ScarletOlive]

It's good that you're working on yourself, issheBPD. That's a very brave thing to do. We're still here listening and reading.

It is unfair that your parents asked you to house-sit while your brother is still living there. When they return, maybe you could ask them to have your brother do it in the future since he's there and you have to drive? Or, maybe just ask if they can hire the neighborhood kids to house-sit.

[isshebpd]

I don't really mind as their house is not far from me. I just don't understand why they won't ask my uNPDbro to do stuff too.

I guess I'm just disturbed seeing my unBPDbro that way, and it seems like my parents are enabling it. I think this may be infantilization. In other words, my uBPDmom is letting him be like that because she wants to keep him in a child-like state.

[GeekyGirl]

I guess I'm just disturbed seeing my unBPDbro that way, and it seems like my parents are enabling it. I think this may be infantilization. In other words, my uBPDmom is letting him be like that because she wants to keep him in a child-like state.

That has to be hard to see. It's quite possible that your parents are enabling your brother and keeping him in a child-like state, as it's probably filling your mother's needs. That's really not healthy for any of them, but that is what they are all choosing to do. What about this is disturbing you? Are you angry that your parents are demanding more of you, or are you upset that you feel that your brother is being held back emotionally?

I'm taking a break from therapy because I need to deal with my emerging drinking problem. I was just a social drinker (though I drank a lot in my late teens and early 20s), but in the last couple of years I've returned to it. My therapist apparently wants me to ease off the drinking before going back.

That's awesome, issheBPD.  ScarletOlive is right--that takes a lot of courage. Good for you for working on yourself!

[isshebpd]

The most disturbing part is the potential for elder abuse. My uNPDbro is a big guy with a bad temper. I don't know how much has gone on so far, but he did punch a hole in a wall a few years ago. I'm very thankful he doesn't have kids to mess up.

His state of dependency on our parents seems endless. He can't hold a job in the real world. According to my parents, he was isolated and ignored at his last short-term job, which lead to further narcissistic injuries. Hence, his hiding out in our parents basement.

He is an aging "golden child" narcissist, losing what charms he had, taking advantage of the abandonment issues of our uBPDmom. This is not going to end well, and will have ripple effects for others including myself. Yes, I've been watching Vaknin videos :P

I'm still working on my drinking issues.