Hi Aquarius22,
Welcome. I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must be really difficult having a lifetime of coping with BPD behaviors. I can relate to how incredibly stressful and frustrating it is to be surrounded by BPD with your family and significant other.
Do not be so hard on yourself, although you have experienced BPD behaviors for a great portion of your life, it is not your fault that you did not recognize them in your finance. Being surrounded by disordered people for such a long time, almost desensitizes us and disordered behavior almost becomes normative. I grew up with narcissistic/borderline parents and I did not realize my bf's pattern of behavior.
Having feelings of anger is completely normal and understandable. Much of that stems from, as you said, "Making sure everyone is your life is okay having no time for yourself." While in a relationship with a person with BPD (pwBPD) there is a tendency to put our needs and wants on a back burner. I have felt that way and kept my own feelings of anger bottled up for such a long time to please my family and bf. Eventually, those feelings of anger tend to resurface.
I understand how you could feel exhausted from making sure that everyone in your life is okay. It really takes a lot out of you. Have you had time to focus on yourself and your needs?
Have you tried establishing boundaries with your family and finance? Prior to establishing boundaries, I let my family and bf treat me as a door mat. After establishing boundaries, I found that I do not allow my family and bf to treat me in that manner. Also, I have less anger. Take a look at this article. It is really helpful.
BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence