I have found some help with a book discovered recently - wanted to share

[crazyworld]

I have not posted for over a year.  In that period of time, my BPD grown daughter, age 41, has had 3 jobs and moved four times.  She wants to be part of our family, so we open our arms again, only to be slammed by her repeatedly.  For the past 7 months she has been out of our lives.  She stormed out on her own and went to meet a guy that she met online and had never met in person.  She ended up living with his parents for several months because when she left us she had no money, as usual.  Fortunately she works in the medical field, so she seems to be able to find jobs, she just doesn't keep them for very long.

Any way, the past 7 months began by me (her mother) feeling so depressed and sad.  I went on some anti depressant medication for a few months, saw my psychologist on a regular basis and have now realized that the time spent away from my daughter has actually been peaceful - no drama - no stress - no staying awake  at night.  I still struggle with how to live the rest of my life like this because I come from a very close family history where we stick together no matter what.  I think for myself I have been guilty of denying the fact that my daughter has an illness - I kept thinking that if I paid off her debts again, that she would learn and she would get better - I gave her loads of positive feedback and support, and yet she continued down her path of non stop relationships with men, ending in calls to the police with reports of being raped; along with non-stop trips to the emergency rooms of hospitals for any number of aches and pains ending with more prescreption medication.  Her finances have been in a mess forever, bankruptcy, judgments, etc.  The sheríff's office brought a subpeona to our home the other evening, but she no longer lives there and they were not able to serve it.  Collection agencies call my cell phone regularly - usually from pay day loan places.  My husband and I have paid off tens of thousands of dollars in pay day loans only to watch her go right back to those places and get herself in the same mess. 

Anyway, at an airport the other day, a book just jumped out at me, so I bought it.  I have not been able to put it down and I carry it with me... .  in a funny way it has become my "bible" for how I can live my life in this situation.  This book helped ME - other books have described in detail everything that is wrong with my daughter, which just continued to stress me out and give me a headache because there was no answer or medication to make her better.  With this book, I think I can move forward with my life and understand how to change myself - because I cannot change my daughter.  The title is "Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People"written by Elizabeth B. Brown.  Seriously, if you just replace the words screwed up with BPD - the book is a guide for managing your life as a parent or sibling of a person afflicted with BPD.  I wanted to share it because the book has helped me enormously.  I have shared it with my psychologist, who noted that he could tell the difference in me. 

Blessings to you all - I have no idea why I am on this journey, but I only know that I am and I am doing my best to take care of myself and to figure out how to live life with my daughter, but yet stay detached completely from her crazy world.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Reality]

Wow!  Crazyworld, this book sounds like a great read.  I am going to see if I can kindle it and start reading this evening. 

My foo is soopoo strange and I think this book might help me resolve some of those issues!

Thank you for the recommendation. 

You have done so much for your daughter.  Very hard!  Very draining!  As cfh's husband said, "You couldn't make this s... .  up!"

Reality

[BlushAndBashful]

Too funny- I bought that exact same book a few years ago- saw it in my local grocery store clearanced out and figured it was worth the $3 (or whatever).  That was LONG before I even knew about BPD!