No Contact

[newtothis28]

Day 10. Yes, I made it to day 10. Support me. 

[dagwoodbowser]

That's awesome! I'm on day 38. Those first 2 weeks I remember were so painful. It still is, not as intense but each day I seem to have a little more control. In a way we are doing our own rehab as we struggle to leave behind our drug of choice.

[cosmonaut]

Congrats, newtothis!  That takes a lot of strength.  Great job at sticking to your goal.  I know that this is not easy!  Well done.   

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Fabulous job, newtothis! Day 10 is MUCH to be proud of.  Way to stay the course.  AWESOME WORK (b/c it is work)!

[DyingLove]

Day 10. Yes, I made it to day 10. Support me. 

Hi newtothis28.  Fantastic, day 10 is a great accomplishment.  None of this is easy.  We got your back here!

[Wood stock]

Congrats... .Let me share a few personal experiences/reflections regarding no contact:

1. I have broken the no contact rule a few times over the last three months... .IT NEVER FAILS that it turns out badly.  Even if the conversation starts out with both of us saying how much we love each other and my BPD even admitting his faults/regrets (sort of)... .by the end I am either sobbing uncontrollably because I miss him OR because he has flipped the switch and starting the name calling and horrible accusations.  ALWAYS. I like many of you--no, ALL of you on this board--want closure. I want him to "see the light." I want him to say, "I'm really sorry for what I did to you and the kids"... .and I want him to actually MEAN IT.   And yes, I have actually gotten that out of him a few times... .only the next day to get a text from him telling me to "eff off" and that he isn't sorry, blah, blah, blah.  I can't tell in texting whether he is sober or not... .I can't tell what words he means and what words he doesn't. And as long as I participate in the dialogue, I am feeding his need for attention/validation... .and he is continuing to tear me down.  By breaking the no contact rule, I am ALLOWING it... .

2. Consequently, I have finally made no contact about ME--not him.  I remember back in the early days of the breakup, every day of no contact was a day where I was "winning" and showing him who was boss... .now, it isn't even about the game of "haha, I'm winning"... .it's about "I am not doing this to prove anything to him. I'm doing this to protect my sanity and eliminate the verbal and emotional abuse that I do NOT deserve." 

3.  The beauty is that although I do not maintain no contact to prove a point or win some sort of battle with him, by not allowing him to use me anymore and not allowing him to have that control over my daily existence... .well, I AM WINNING.  Sometimes no words speak louder than anything we could possibly say. And believe me, I've tried all of the words... .I repeat, it NEVER turns out well.  Oh sure, maybe for a few hours or a day... .but not for long.

YOU MUST KEEP ON... .I hope to hear from you on Day 20, Day 30, and Day 365... .and by then, you won't be counting... .

[DyingLove]

I guess I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. I'm in 37 day without any breakage!

YAY FOR ME!  (still sad to have to do this)

Here is a site that will easily calculate your N/C time between two dates.

www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html

[downwhim]

It is hard work but continue to pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Staying N/C for me was the only way to cope with the pain of the b/u. Out of 6 months I only broke it once and it was not good. I got right back on the horse.

Be proud of yourself. Baby steps and one day at a time. Isn't it great to have peace?

[newtothis28]

Thank you!  Today is rough, but I'm trying to see this through.