xwBPD's boyfriend driving her car and not on insurance

[40days_in_desert]

This is my first post but I'll try to give a brief back story. Was married for 15 years and 5 children. Divorce not final but apart for almost 2 years. She has and still exhibits all traits of BPD aside from suicidal attempts (that I know of). My oldest daughter lives with me and I have 25% custody of our youngest four.
The issue that leads me to post on this topic is the fact that xwBPD's boyfriend is driving her car that is titled in my name. He is not on the insurance policy. The reason that the car is still in my name is due to the divorce not being final (long story but people here probably wouldn't be surprised). I have explained in text, email and in person to her why this is an issue. She has responded with "I understand", "It's my car and I'll do what I want!", "I'll have him stop immediately", etc. but with all the same results; he still drives the car. Not just the occasional trip to the store but keeps it overnight and uses it for work (when he works). He's 40, never married, no car and he lives with his step-dad. Also, he is her boyfriend from her teenage years, first lover, etc. The problem is that if he gets in an accident, the insurance company will not cover the damages and the accident will follow me whenever I go to get new insurance. I told her that she needs to get her own policy and add him if he is going to drive the car. More info on our situation; we dismissed the divorce case in one state and getting ready to file in the current state that we both reside (again, long story). So we are not currently in an active divorce case. Any input is appreciated!

[ForeverDad]

I live in the USA so maybe this will help.  When I separated and was divorcing I had a similar issue in that she was driving 'our' car, titled to both of us.  It was coming up on license plate renewal time.  It was a 2 year divorce and I wanted her off my insurance for the sake of clarity, peace of mind and all that.  I called my agency and told them my dilemma.  The rep asked, Is the car garaged at the listed residence?  I said No, she's living several miles away.  He said, Then you can't have her car on your insurance policy or we will cancel you.  We'll take care of it, we'll notify her by letter that she has 30 days to get her own insurance policy and offer her a policy for herself.  I had my own car, they were roughly equivalent in value, so I kept my car (already in my name so I felt okay with her having the car she drove in her name) and signed off on the title for her to get it fully in her name.  That way she could handle the title, tags and insurance all in one package deal.  And get it off my mind.

I must admit I don't know whether uninsured people were driving her vehicle.  But would that approach work for you, that the car being garaged (legal term for parked) elsewhere violated the terms of your insurance policy and she had to get her own policy?  If you each have a vehicle, will it remain that way after the divorce is final?  Are they roughly equivalent in value?  Any loans or liens on her car that could complicate a title change?  Can the two of you sign off on her getting title transfer but state it is not impacting the final financial calculations and  splits of the marital assets and debts?  If you do sign the title over to her, how can you ensure she files it?

[40days_in_desert]

Thanks for the insight ForeverDad... .I had called my insurance company and they told me the same thing. I informed x that she needed to get her own policy and that I would reimburse her since I am obligated to maintain insurance until divorce is final (per agreement). Her response was "I want the number and name of the person that you talked to so I can verify what you're telling me." Me - "No problem". She responded later saying that her policy will include occasional drivers and that her mom will be using it in the future for some time. Again... .no problem as long as it is legal and covered. She also stated "You'll be reimbursing me for the pricey policy for sure." My response was that I would reimburse to cover her but nobody else (all of this was over text). My guess is that her BF isn't going to be listed maybe due to his driving record and that she assumes that he will be covered under the "occasional driver" clause. She doesn't realize that insurance companies do not like to pay out claims and will investigate if he gets in an accident. Since he uses it for "work" and has all of his tools in the back (third seat removed), it probably won't take much investigating to find that he isn't an occasional driver. We have 5 children together and the bf is priority. He takes the Suburban to his house overnight almost every night leaving herself without a vehicle and thus without a vehicle to fit all of the kids. I had also explained that if he gets in an accident and the vehicle is damaged beyond what she can afford, which is next to $0, she will be without a vehicle. Ugh... .even after all of these years I still forget sometimes that logic has no place in a conversation. It is the only vehicle we owned while together. I have a company vehicle to drive.

[40days_in_desert]

No liens on the vehicle and no, I don't see where I would be able to verify anything with her, unfortunately. I could try and have her agree to giving up 10k (half the value of the Suburban) of the 401k money she will get in lieu of signing the title over to her. It would make it easier since I still have to renew the registration being that it is in my name. I recently deducted that amount and the personal property tax bill from her half of my state tax refund. She was upset over that and said that she was going to check our agreement because "it's very vague on some things." Again - no problem. It clearly states that I am responsible for maintaining insurance on the vehicle and that's it. I suppose since it doesn't say that I am NOT responsible to pay for personal property tax and registration that it is then vague? Ugh... .

[ForeverDad]

Understand that Traditional 401(k) or IRA retirement accounts have future tax liability (and under age 55 tax penalty) as its ball and chain.  For example, it may take $12K or more of that pre-tax money to be equivalent to $10K of regular (post-tax) money.  I'm not saying to offer her more or less, but do the math on any offers so you aren't short-changed.  Beware of the noble inclination a lot of us Nice Guys and Nice Gals have to be "too fair", our niceness tendency probably will never be reciprocated.

[40days_in_desert]

You're right ForeverDad. The extra 2k or whatever it comes to may be worth the investment to be released of the liability in case something happens. Thank you for the feedback.