Xmas day is always difficult

[Lollypop]

Hi

I just wanted to reach out on Xmas day. Our morning wasn’t great, DS27 moody having had a bad Xmas Eve - he’d set up high expectations for his evening out and it went badly so he went home at 9.30. It’ll take him a few days to calm down from this. We plough on regardless and trying hard to enjoy the day. He’s gone back to his house but it leaves me feeling such sadness. BPD is a xxxxstard and my heart goes out to him - however staying balanced as best I can.

Hope your day is going smoothly.

Any good news stories out there?

LP

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beady]

I'm so sorry to hear your morning has gone badly. Over the years, we have had our hopes dashed so many times, we learn to keep expectations low so that we don't have far to fall. Perhaps today will be better for you all. Sleep and a good cup of coffee can sometimes turn things around. Thinking of everyone this morning in a similar situation. 

[wendydarling]

Oh LP I'm sorry he was moody and unable to stay, he took himself off to sit with his feelings of distress about last night. It is sad and I understand you looking for balance for the rest of your day, I hope you find it.

I've been surfing the sofa and my bed these last two days with flu, so my Xmas plans have gone to pot. Typically one finishes work and bang! Hoping to feel better and make the most of NY.

WDx

[Lollypop]

Ah WD

Sorry to hear you’re in bed poorly, I woke up feeling rough but at least a couple of paracetamol got me up. It’s rubbish for you and I’m sorry.

I’m ok, not too emotional. We got through the dinner, DS ate and then left. We got on with the afternoon and have had a laugh which wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. I’m just sad that this is his life with emotions overpowering him.

We get our house back tomorrow as MIL returns home. Bless her, she comes for the rest.

I spent a few days with my sister last week and boy oh boy BPD totally evident now in her traits. My niece opened up as she’s really struggling with my sister’s needy and extreme behaviours. I didn’t take on the responsibility nor did I try and fix the situation. I’m learning! 

Take good care of yourself WD, watch some good old feel good movies - tomorrow’s another day.

Hugs

LP

[Moselle]

Staying balanced as best I can.

Lollypop, just wanted to reach out in support. Well done for staying balanced!

[Rockieplace]

Hi there dear friend! 

Well done for keeping the peace and well done to your son too for managing his distress and disappointment without resorting to extremes.  It is so hard for everyone involved in this illness and so frustrating too.

I was on tenterhooks this year as my BPDD35 was coming to stay for two nights for the first time since she was sectioned again in October.  It was rather naughty of the hospital as it was presented to us by my daughter as a 'fait accompli'.  I really felt that the hospital should have consulted us first before suggesting to my daughter that she could come.  We haven't had her stay overnight since her last crisis and they had been gradually lengthening her daytime visits to us in order to build up to an overnight stay and then wham!  She's coming for 2 nights over Christmas and that's it! 

I'm always nervous around family gatherings as some of the family are not sympathetic and we have a little grand-daughter to think of too. 

I phoned the hospital to complain and they asked if that meant that we weren't prepared to have her stay.  I was very sharp and said that we could hardly refuse now!

However, the good news is that it all worked fine.  My other daughter seemed to make a real effort and it was all quite jolly and festive.  Phew!

My BPDD is still very poorly though and taking tons of medication which renders her almost comatose most of the time.  She does nothing in the hospital and rarely gets out at all.  I'm thinking of writing to them to express our disappointment that she is not encouraged to do more and to take physical exercise at least.   She is now grossly overweight and very unhappy about that too.  They seem to be just focusing on sedating her so that they don't have anything to do!

Still here's hoping for better things for her this year.

Things have been very hectic lately, hope you are feeling better too wendydarling.

Lots of hugs and best wishes to you all.

x

[wendydarling]

Thanks LP, I'm beginning to feel human again 

I’m just sad that this is his life with emotions overpowering him.

If ever there was a person who can see this out, understand what it takes, it is you. We lead by example, have you explored any on line DBT accredited sites? He says he wants to help himself in another thread. Gift him?

WDx

[wendydarling]

Hi there Rockieplace, it's so good to hear from you  

I'm glad the Christmas visit went well, you all pulled together, great rest bite for your DD to be with you, see real home life  

RP what's happening, I'd be concerned too being medicated till not able to function is NOT acceptable. What is the treatment plan? Letters don't work. Let's bring it on RP. Request an appointment to the Head of MH, I'm with you all the way, you can make change, let us know how we can help  

WDx  

[Yepanotherone]

Well in comparison to last year when unbeknownst to me my DD was planning on a 7 day drug fest with her then Boyfriend , she wouldn’t facetime family and she spent much of the day isolated in her room on a very short fuse , we actually had a lovely day this year  .  We opened our presents then she had agreed to work for much of the day , but then joined us in the evening for dinner , was pleasant to our guests and joined in the fun . What a difference a year makes !
I’m sorry your day was somewhat spoiled LP  on the plus side , your son has his own place to disappear to now and you don’t need to be exposed to all his mood swings x
WD how are you feeling now ? Better I hope ?

Rockie that really doesn’t sound good with your DD being snowed with meds . My DD went through that too and she couldn’t function . She decided to come off ALL her meds in March earlier this year and has been doing so much better . Her doctor seemed to think that keeping her like a zombie for much of the time was safer than not medicating her but truth be told, my DD definitely got worse when she was started on medication cocktails .

[Lollypop]

Hi

RP and Yep: I’m so chuffed you’ve both experienced better Christmas days. These special days are so tricky but when they come off it’s so great.

WD: I’m past the nudging or pointing the nose in the right direction as far as therapy goes. DS is on the brink of weening himself off skunk. A big decision he’s taken on his own and he’s problem solved. He’s rigid in thought that he needs cannabis oil for his anxiety and health. He’s ready to give up the the highs with skunk. I’ve no idea what will happen but am obviously pleased he’s been able to reason the cost of his habit. He’s excited about all the extra money he’s going to have. He’s got a goal of a 2 week holiday in 2018.

My DS explained his issue on Xmas eve. It’s social anxiety. He said that being with old friends has a pressure as they expect him to be a certain person that he doesn’t feel that he is any more. I can’t tell if he’s blacked them or if this is truly reasoned. He talks to his landlady and she seems to be supportive and helpful. Maybe getting off skunk was her suggestion. Regardless, I’m glad he has somebody else he can talk to.

I doubt DS will ever seek therapy but hey, only time will tell. I’m happy to stay back and watch him prioritise and solve. He’s growing.


LP