surviving disrespect.. how do you not take it personally

[Daniell85]

So I tried to talk to my boyfriend on Skype today. Since he is sitting there nearly 24/7

No response. Silent treatment continues.

Now for what triggered it off.

We had a disagreement. He went from 0-60 in 1 second and began to threaten me. Essentially I was not to say even one more word he found offensive. OR ELSE he would block me.

I really have a problem with being threatened and bullied.

So I said something. I don't actually think it would have mattered what I said. To him ANY response other than maybe what I learned after the fact here ( validation, maybe) or silence would have made a difference.

I don't feel good about the silence. Like he successfully threatened me and took away my voice.

What response could I have given that would have de-escalated this situation?

Was silence a legitimate response to have given?This happened over facebook chat.

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[formflier]

I really have a problem with being threatened and bullied.

Me too!  It's very important that threats don't "work" for the person doing the threatening... .or else it will continue.

I don't feel good about the silence. Like he successfully threatened me and took away my voice.

My suggestion is that you retain the power... .and you take away your voice any time you are threatened.

What response could I have given that would have de-escalated this situation?

Was silence a legitimate response to have given?This happened over facebook chat.

"I don't do threats... .   I'll check in with you tomorrow sometime.  Good night."

The next day... .don't mention it.  Don't explain yourself... .just move along with your life.

Thoughts?

FF

[Daniell85]

I think telling him I don't do threats would have gotten me blocked anyway.

Telling him ok, I can see he is not up for talking and will catch up with him later , and then me going quiet for several days, would have been successful.

I grew up in an extreme environment. My stepfather was pretty brutal to me. I was intimidated and hit a lot. For reasons, that even as an adult, I cannot make sense of entirely. So when my boyfriend gets so aggressive, I kind of freeze up and then feel ... ."no one ever gets to do that to me again!" feeling.

And I usually end up saying something that reflects that feeling. Like, if you are going to bully me, then I am not sure I care!

Of course I care.

Boyfriend is always happy to let go of the incident. Nothing makes him feel ok more than me going silent on his loss of temper and what he does.

It really works for him.

For me, I have felt baffled and hurt. A sense of being treated unjustly and not of value. My self esteem takes a pretty hard hit. Essentially I feel bullied into silence so he doesn't have to own what he did. He loses my respect and love as a result.