usernamed
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 20
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« on: November 10, 2013, 02:07:21 PM » |
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Hey everyone,
Recently I began reading some books on coping with BPD, and for a few weeks now we've avoided some really explosive outbursts or breaks between myself and my BPDgf. There was an incident not too long ago where my pwBPD confronted me about my use of some of the tactics used in the books. However the anger from that incident dissipated pretty quickly once she got over her initial anger. We had a good week, and so I sensed something was going to happen (we have very pronounced cycles)... .
For the last several days my BPDgf has been entirely silent with me. We are currently long distance, and I try to maintain daily communication in some form or another -- Email, text, or Skype. In previous downsides on our cycles she will get very angry with me and purposefully cut off communication. I've been through that kind of silent treatment before, and usually I would send an email or two and wait a week ... .or longer ... .And eventually she would be willing to talk again. This time it's different.
She hasn't raged at me at all, but she hasn't been willing to communicate either. I've initiated conversations asking her if there's anything wrong and she tells me she "doesn't feel like talking." Last night we had a conversation because a care package she sent to me arrived, and I wanted to thank her for her gift. We talked for a little bit since I initiated it, but she was quick to try and close off the conversation. I feel there's something bothering her emotionally but she isn't open to sharing it with me, and she instead wants to break up our relationship.
Now, I know intellectually I can't do anything here. That's somewhat frustrating for me, because right now I'm in a stressful work situation and I want some kind of emotional support to help myself deal with work issues. Fortunately I have some friends who I can rely upon to give me some advice and emotional support with work, but having a crisis with BPDgf on top of that is very challenging. For me these kinds of behaviors coming from BPDgf are easier to handle if I can understand them as behaviors coming from the BPD (if it is).
Am I being subjected to the silent treatment? I've been reading about this, and I know I surely have dealt with that in the past. Our current scenario doesn't have that particularly hurtful edge of silence, but rather my BPDgf has simply [and calmly] expressed that she doesn't want to talk or isn't interested in talking to me. The lack of anger here makes me think that this is something different -- Mature nonBPD people express this kind of sentiment all the time and it's normal and healthy. At the same time, she seems emotionally closed off and hasn't provided any rationale from the change between telling me that she loves me and then days later moving to complete silence and/or breaking up with me. Although superficially her behavior is striking me as normal, that aspect of the behavior is pretty abnormal. I'm suspecting that she is in a depressive ruminating state currently, but I have so little information that it's hard to tell.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to do here is to intellectually understand her behavior in terms of BPD so that I can cope better with the hurt feelings that I have from feeling emotionally confused by her behavior. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
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