First Post

[longfuse]

Hey guys/ gals,

I only recently found out about BPD, and it makes a lot of sense to explain many goings on in my past relationship.

What were your first inclinations that the person in your life had BPD?

Kind regards
Longfuse

[Turkish]

 Inappropriate anger over little things. One of the first was when I was over at her and her roommate's apartment for dinner with them and the roommate's sister, husband and two other of their friends. She got up and was angrily washing dishes. I got up to ask what was wrong. "Nothing!" She hissed. I went back to the table. The sister leaned in to ask me, "what's wrong with [ex]." I told her I didn't know. My then gf told me, "you were chewing too loudly!"

Yet that wasn't it. Months later after I moved in things escalated.  I changed upon BPD yet rejected it. I thought, "a relationship shouldn't be this difficult!" It wouldn't be until almost four years later and two babies that I settled on BPD and landed here.

What about you longfuse, can you share your story?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey long fuse, Welcome!  Like Turkish, I learned early on that my BPDxW had a "temper," though I erroneously believed it was something she would grow out of.  After years of marriage, I was just swinging in the dark.  I knew something was wrong, but could never put my finger on it.  People repeat a lot of platitudes (e.g., marriage is hard work; no one is perfect; the honeymoon is over; etc.) but those people were never married to a pwBPD!

Finally a therapist loaned me the book, Stop Walking on Eggshells.  At first I thought, no way; then I thought, could be; then I concluded, definitely so!

LJ

[Clever_Username]

It took me 25 years to put a name to the behaviors. She wouldn't take personal responsibility for...well much of anything. She's has a temper and would get triggered especially under stressful situations but many people do right? Eventually is was the repetitive nature of the arguments to the point of knowing what complaint was coming next based mostly on her agitation state. There were only a few different themes but they usually involved times she felt disregarded or forgotten from up to 20 years ago.

Then not long ago in Mexico she escalated faster than ever before. It was stressful, ugly and loud. Then and there I just started searching the Internet for help/ideas and everything fell into place.

Then like Lucky Jim I read the Eggshells book and I understood.