Hello, fam - it's been a while.
I haven't posted in a while, but I've been lurking and keeping up with how everyone is doing. I just haven't had much to say...or maybe I had too much to say, and didn't know how to say it.
Backstory of my break-up with my BPD partner is here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=328015.msg12990768#msg12990768. We broke up last June, so, ten months ago. It took me two months after to even be able to write about it.
A lot has happened since then, and the last time I posted here was in November. As a quick recap, I randomly met a guy in August, and we started dating despite the fact that it was only two months after my break-up, and I wasn't well mentally - at all.
We are still together, very much in love and doing extremely well now. He knows everything about my relationship with my ex, and he has been my rock as I have recovered from this. He's a wonderful man, and I thank my lucky starts he awkwardly approached me the funny way he did that fateful night. He has a lovely family, and best of all - they are all sane. ;-)
I'm still on the detaching board, because I'm not really there yet. Part of me still suffers anxiety and depression about what happened with my ex, but it gets a little better everyday.
The reason I am posting now, is because things got...really horrible with my ex, and are just now resolving for the most part. The last time I posted here about seeing him, we had gone to dinner and it went well. That was the calm before the storm.
I'm an American citizen living in Europe, originally having come here to study. I met my ex and instead of applying for another residence permit to study, I applied to stay here as his domestic partner. We broke up before we went in for our interview with Migration, but he still went to bat for me, and went in to the interview with me, and kept his sponsorship of me. That was a few days after our dinner meeting. I was very grateful, and thanked him for this, from the bottom of my heart. I would have been granted permanent residence if this had gone through. One month to the day after the interview, he dropped the bomb that he had found my replacement. This is typical of him. He stews about 6 months after a discard, then finds a new one. I responded by saying that I was happy for him, and I hope things went well for them. I guess this wasn't the response he wanted, because he flew into a rage, and then called Migration and told them he was withdrawing our application because I "left him and moved out". Migration called me and told me that I could face deportation if I did not have a valid reason to stay otherwise. Unfortunately, my job contract was also ending in a few months, so I didn't even have that to fall back on.
My exBPD also called my ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, current boyfriend, and my mother to rant about me and what a horrible person I was. They all just thought he was nuts, and quite pitiful. Just when I thought that he could not sink any lower, he did, - again and again, and again. I was facing the worst situation of my life - possibly ending up jobless, and deported - everything I worked so hard for in this country, yanked out from underneath me, by him. Even his best friend told him that he was ruining my life and would also affect the lives of everyone around me who cared about or depended on me. He didn't care.
The stress I was under was indescribable. When I was at my absolute lowest - true rock bottom, a job position opened up at my agency that was a senior role, project management, in the office of the director. It was way out of my league and way outside my level of expertise. I wasn't at all sure I could do it. Since desperate times called for desperate measures...I applied for it. After three rigorous panel interviews...I got it. I quickly filed for residency based on my employment offer, and after a four month wait, I found out on April 1st, I have been approved! I was two years without a permit, in limbo, waiting to be approved. Had my ex not bailed on me, I may have had the permit months ago. I have not been able to travel to the US, because if you leave Europe and have no residence permit, they can decide not to let you back in. So I haven't seen my elderly parents in that long and both are in poor health. He knew this. He did what he did anyway. But now, finally, I can go see my family again!
It's been like pulling teeth, but he has given me back a lot of my stuff. Slow, but sure he delivers a few things, and then rants at me about how I have nothing left over here and to never bother him again. I still have a lot of stuff over there and he NEVER delivers it all. I asked him to please let me come over with my friend, and just get the rest of it. He's giving me the ST again, but he told my friend we can come over in one month, but now "is not a good time for him." *eyeroll*
Some of you may remember I spoke about his BPD bat-guano nuts abusive mom whom he hates and fears with a burning passion. He had cut her off five years ago and would have nothing to do with her. She also has Alzheimers now and is becoming increasingly more difficult and unable to live alone because she makes poor decisions and gets into trouble. Like randomly taking out a huge loan and just hopping on a plane to Greece. His sister had to go get her and drag her back across Europe.
She has driven away all her caregivers and has become unmanageable for them. They either quit, or she fires them. Soo...guess where she lives now? Yup. With my BPD ex. I don't want to gloat, but let's just say...karma. The most profound demonstration of it I have seen in a loong time.
I saw him and my replacement in the shopping center near where we live. They didn't see me. She's quite a bit older than me, and very rough looking. Really hard looking - like she's had a rough life...but it's probably going to get rougher. If she's as tough and hard as she looks, though, heck, this might work. Maybe she can handle him. I hope for her sake she can, but he's not had a relationship last more than a couple of years since his divorce 14 years ago. So the odds aren't great, but who knows. Not my problem anymore.
So finally, after a long, difficult journey, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and this time it's not the headlamp of an oncoming train. So yay. One day at a time, right?
