A minor irk

[Confused76]

I've been lurking around these parts for quite some time. Even made a few posts last year!  I recycled earlier this year, and I need to post an update concerning this. I'm roughly 4 weeks out NC, and really working on understanding my part of the relationship.

What I want to get off my chest now, is something that may seem minor to some. I remember speaking with my exgf uBPD about being there for me emotionally, and how former partners had tended to rely on me heavily emotionally. I wanted/needed something different in this relationship, and she promised to always be there for me. I used my dogs failing health as an example, again, promised to be there for me when I needed someone to lean on.

When I would start to doubt her stories (and came to find out she lied constantly), she would always "swear on her dogs life", and go on to say that was as serious as things could get and how important her dog was to her.

At the end of our relationship, I confirmed she had been carrying on two other relationships. One being purely physical, the other also thought he was in a committed relationship (like me). I've found that so much that she said was a lie, constantly manipulating me into a role she wanted me in.

Dogs have always been important to me, they always love you more then they love themselves. Today, I feel cheated by how she used this fact against me.

[seeking balance]

Confused,

I understand - I, too, really had a hard time with what I realized was I admitted my greatest vulnerabilities yet to have them used against me.  It is soul crushing to say the least.  It took me a long time to get ok with it and learn to trust again.

The disorder is the disorder - all is fair in terms of getting you to attach - including dogs or any other vulnerability.  We feel heard and understood like never before only to have it ripped away - it hurts deeply.  It is not fair to us, but it is a tool used by pwBPD.

Processing these feelings takes some time - let yourself have that time.

I am sorry you have to go through this.

Peace,

SB