The worse is not loving a pwBPD, the worse is not being able to love anyone else

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I can't help to think that love won't be the same for me. I'm fairly detached, yet I can't see myself feeling for another woman what I felt for her, and it's so hard to understand. She was not smart, she was not interesting, she is a compulsive liar and extremely promiscuos. Rationally, she is not the woman of my life, yet there's a such a strange magnetism that binds me to her, I don't have it in me to feel something for all the girls I'm meeting.

Loving a pwBPD is hard, but feeling that you won't be able to experience the same intensity again is devastating.

Hello Alberto  

You are not alone, I still feel things you feel now, half a year after we split (exBPD). But there is a light in this tunnel cause months right after split I couldn't think of anything else than her, now I can. This uncanny love disappears slowly but I'm sure that we will finally leave it behind.

I think you should focus on things you want to achieve, and if you now don't see them try to figure out what they are.

Hold on and try to not lose your grip. On this messageboard you will always find someone willing to listen to you  

Thanks for the kind words. As you say time heals everything, but the mistery of the effect this girl had on me is something that will linger for a long time, even if I find love again.

Alberto, with all due respect I have to say that you still confuse love with toxic addiction to disordered personality. Love means caring for each other, love when it comes to BPDisordered person is only phrase. Powerful phrase taking "honeymoon" into consideration but still mere phrase.

This as you called "mistery of the effect this girl had on you" is only in your head and it depends on you if you will ever get rid of it. Stop feeding the monster in your head with questions about how powerful it is.

"If you make your enemy invincible by thinking about it this way, it will become such"

Effect this girl had on you is based on her looks and her words. She was beautiful right? They always are, we tend to associate good traits of character with beauty (try to find "what is beautful is good" research, just google it now and simply read abstract). But when it comes to BPD, beauty is such flawless as deceptive my friend. BPDs can also provide us with immersive narrations what combined with looks in the first phases of relationship hooks us up really well. But this is the end of it, there is NOTHING MORE they could offer.

You want to spend life with empty shell that is beautiful but will lose this beauty after some time? This shell will respond to your requests and emotional needs only with echo coming from its empty interior.

As I said before I do afraid that I won't ever find real love, but it won't stop me from giving a try. And even if I will end up all alone, should I look desperately to find someone just to be with any person. That is just what BPD does, and what is more pathetic than that?

I'm sure that you will recover and get rid of this lingering need to be abused 

Problem then is I don't know what real love is, because even if i understand on a conscious level how toxic the relationship was, I've never felt so attached to anyone else.

Maybe i need more patiance and the right person hasn't come alone yet.

[Alberto]

I can't help to think that love won't be the same for me. I'm fairly detached, yet I can't see myself feeling for another woman what I felt for her, and it's so hard to understand. She was not smart, she was not interesting, she is a compulsive liar and extremely promiscuos. Rationally, she is not the woman of my life, yet there's a such a strange magnetism that binds me to her, I don't have it in me to feel something for all the girls I'm meeting.

Loving a pwBPD is hard, but feeling that you won't be able to experience the same intensity again is devastating.

Hello Alberto  

You are not alone, I still feel things you feel now, half a year after we split (exBPD). But there is a light in this tunnel cause months right after split I couldn't think of anything else than her, now I can. This uncanny love disappears slowly but I'm sure that we will finally leave it behind.

I think you should focus on things you want to achieve, and if you now don't see them try to figure out what they are.

Hold on and try to not lose your grip. On this messageboard you will always find someone willing to listen to you  

Thanks for the kind words. As you say time heals everything, but the mistery of the effect this girl had on me is something that will linger for a long time, even if I find love again.

Alberto, with all due respect I have to say that you still confuse love with toxic addiction to disordered personality. Love means caring for each other, love when it comes to BPDisordered person is only phrase. Powerful phrase taking "honeymoon" into consideration but still mere phrase.

This as you called "mistery of the effect this girl had on you" is only in your head and it depends on you if you will ever get rid of it. Stop feeding the monster in your head with questions about how powerful it is.

"If you make your enemy invincible by thinking about it this way, it will become such"

Effect this girl had on you is based on her looks and her words. She was beautiful right? They always are, we tend to associate good traits of character with beauty (try to find "what is beautful is good" research, just google it now and simply read abstract). But when it comes to BPD, beauty is such flawless as deceptive my friend. BPDs can also provide us with immersive narrations what combined with looks in the first phases of relationship hooks us up really well. But this is the end of it, there is NOTHING MORE they could offer.

You want to spend life with empty shell that is beautiful but will lose this beauty after some time? This shell will respond to your requests and emotional needs only with echo coming from its empty interior.

As I said before I do afraid that I won't ever find real love, but it won't stop me from giving a try. And even if I will end up all alone, should I look desperately to find someone just to be with any person. That is just what BPD does, and what is more pathetic than that?

I'm sure that you will recover and get rid of this lingering need to be abused 

Problem then is I don't know what real love is, because even if i understand on a conscious level how toxic the relationship was, I've never felt so attached to anyone else.

Maybe i need more patiance and the right person hasn't come alone yet.

[GrimFellow]

I can't help to think that love won't be the same for me. I'm fairly detached, yet I can't see myself feeling for another woman what I felt for her, and it's so hard to understand. She was not smart, she was not interesting, she is a compulsive liar and extremely promiscuos. Rationally, she is not the woman of my life, yet there's a such a strange magnetism that binds me to her, I don't have it in me to feel something for all the girls I'm meeting.

Loving a pwBPD is hard, but feeling that you won't be able to experience the same intensity again is devastating.

Hello Alberto  

You are not alone, I still feel things you feel now, half a year after we split (exBPD). But there is a light in this tunnel cause months right after split I couldn't think of anything else than her, now I can. This uncanny love disappears slowly but I'm sure that we will finally leave it behind.

I think you should focus on things you want to achieve, and if you now don't see them try to figure out what they are.

Hold on and try to not lose your grip. On this messageboard you will always find someone willing to listen to you  

Thanks for the kind words. As you say time heals everything, but the mistery of the effect this girl had on me is something that will linger for a long time, even if I find love again.

Alberto, with all due respect I have to say that you still confuse love with toxic addiction to disordered personality. Love means caring for each other, love when it comes to BPDisordered person is only phrase. Powerful phrase taking "honeymoon" into consideration but still mere phrase.

This as you called "mistery of the effect this girl had on you" is only in your head and it depends on you if you will ever get rid of it. Stop feeding the monster in your head with questions about how powerful it is.

"If you make your enemy invincible by thinking about it this way, it will become such"

Effect this girl had on you is based on her looks and her words. She was beautiful right? They always are, we tend to associate good traits of character with beauty (try to find "what is beautful is good" research, just google it now and simply read abstract). But when it comes to BPD, beauty is such flawless as deceptive my friend. BPDs can also provide us with immersive narrations what combined with looks in the first phases of relationship hooks us up really well. But this is the end of it, there is NOTHING MORE they could offer.

You want to spend life with empty shell that is beautiful but will lose this beauty after some time? This shell will respond to your requests and emotional needs only with echo coming from its empty interior.

As I said before I do afraid that I won't ever find real love, but it won't stop me from giving a try. And even if I will end up all alone, should I look desperately to find someone just to be with any person. That is just what BPD does, and what is more pathetic than that?

I'm sure that you will recover and get rid of this lingering need to be abused  

Problem then is I don't know what real love is, because even if i understand on a conscious level how toxic the relationship was, I've never felt so attached to anyone else.

Maybe i need more patiance and the right person hasn't come alone yet.

I'm sure that one day you will see this toxic attachment pattern as not diserable. It couldn't endure because she was just a "living mirror" that soon after "honeymoon" got very tired after reflecting all things that you wanted to see in it. In fact we are being attached to our dreams not to person itself. Person has its own traits, BPDs have only disordered behaviors as their own.

[Rise]

Problem then is I don't know what real love is, because even if i understand on a conscious level how toxic the relationship was, I've never felt so attached to anyone else.

Maybe i need more patiance and the right person hasn't come alone yet.

Alberto, that's okay. There's a huge difference between understanding something logically and feeling it emotionally. It takes time to reconcile two (and some times I'm not sure it's ever possible).

It's human nature to seek out companionship with others, but maybe now isn't the best time for it. I've found often the relationships we seek out tend to reflect on how we view ourselves. To put it in the simplest terms: We end up in the relationships we think we deserve. Have you been working on you? Seeing a therapist or counselor? Sometimes we have to get okay with ourselves before we start trying to bond with others.

Whatever you decide, I think patience is going to be key. There's no rush to be in a relationship RIGHT NOW, particularly if that relationship is bound to fail. Take your time. Figure out what you are looking for first, and then move forward with finding it.

[CloseToFreedom]

Problem then is I don't know what real love is, because even if i understand on a conscious level how toxic the relationship was, I've never felt so attached to anyone else.

Maybe i need more patiance and the right person hasn't come alone yet.

Alberto, that's okay. There's a huge difference between understanding something logically and feeling it emotionally. It takes time to reconcile two (and some times I'm not sure it's ever possible).

It's human nature to seek out companionship with others, but maybe now isn't the best time for it. I've found often the relationships we seek out tend to reflect on how we view ourselves. To put it in the simplest terms: We end up in the relationships we think we deserve. Have you been working on you? Seeing a therapist or counselor? Sometimes we have to get okay with ourselves before we start trying to bond with others.

Whatever you decide, I think patience is going to be key. There's no rush to be in a relationship RIGHT NOW, particularly if that relationship is bound to fail. Take your time. Figure out what you are looking for first, and then move forward with finding it.

Wise words. While my ex jumped into a relationship with my replacement, I'm staying single for a while. I'm sure in her head its a competition that she won, but I'm not playing that game. It only looks bad on her AND it gives me the time to grieve and to sort my stuff out. She'll just make the same mistakes again and again.