She just hit me with the sledgehammer

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Not to make light of your situation, but I almost wish mine did the same thing. It would be so much easier for me in the beginning to leave and not look back. Not saying that I wouldn't be shocked and awed the day it happened like you are, but when somebody disrespects you to this degree, it is kind of tough not to say "You know what, I don't need this crap in my life."

Kind of what happened to me. But I was left to figure out what I did so wrong. Set off abandonment issues and feeling worthless. Oh the pain comes and goes after 9 months, but after the swelling went down from the hammer to the head, I got a gift. A gift of helping my self on issues that have been hidden and now I can focus on so when I do decide to have another r/s, it will be healthy, not toxic.

[Deeno02]

Not to make light of your situation, but I almost wish mine did the same thing. It would be so much easier for me in the beginning to leave and not look back. Not saying that I wouldn't be shocked and awed the day it happened like you are, but when somebody disrespects you to this degree, it is kind of tough not to say "You know what, I don't need this crap in my life."

Kind of what happened to me. But I was left to figure out what I did so wrong. Set off abandonment issues and feeling worthless. Oh the pain comes and goes after 9 months, but after the swelling went down from the hammer to the head, I got a gift. A gift of helping my self on issues that have been hidden and now I can focus on so when I do decide to have another r/s, it will be healthy, not toxic.

[cj488]

I feel for you! BPD is such a terrible emotional disturbance. My exBPDgf love bombed me to the point of madness, and I fell utterly for her, finally. Once captured, then came the distancing, belittling, and finally the demons were released. I asked her to stay nearby for a few nights, so we could have a breather and get some perspective. She freaked and left permanently, leaving her clothes in my house behind. She returned a few weeks later to give me a SLEDGEHAMMER to the nose - to tell me, with a evil grin, that she was in love again, and the new target was everything I wasn't, and they're moving in together, etc. My heart fell so low I thought it might drop out my ass.

I'll never forget the pleasure she experienced in destroying my soul, and that sadistic face. In retrospect, I'm able to differentiate at least 11 different personalities she put on for different occasions. And she's utterly unable to see there's any problem at all. Extremely painful, but happily I escaped! Sadly, I'm starting to see BPD all over the place - they say 6% of the population and climbing... .definition of an epidemic. What can be done?

[Pretty Woman]

I'm going to second Mutt here:

I truly believe the engagement story was just to get at you. Like na na na na na na. She just elevated everything when she didn't get the response she wanted from you.

Be easy on yourself. You handled this with flying colors!

PW

[Infared]

I do not know how they hide who they truly are so well, but mine did. She got her new guy long before she left our home of 5 years. Then the horrible, sick abuse started.  I know how shocked and hurt you are and this is something completely out of your control. Be aware that she may have had this person in her life before she left. Borderlines rarely go out on their own. Do not believe a word she says. I did not know what was going on as I was being lied to, and I just kept trying to fix it... of course to no avail. All you can do is move away from this, collect yourself, find support and aim at healing from your encounter with a disordered person.

You are making really healthy choices right now, ones you never imagined you would be making.  I identify with your total bewilderment... .but keep doing what you are doing. It's called loving you.