Ok now some prespective

[peiper]

I was talking to my therapist today and he said you can bet after or  before the divorce is over you can count on her trying to come back. Thought about that and got really ticked because I know from past patterns she will. After all she has pulled, trying to come back?  Just venting.

[AG]

I was talking to my therapist today and he said you can bet after or  before the divorce is over you can count on her trying to come back. Thought about that and got really ticked because I know from past patterns she will. After all she has pulled, trying to come back?  Just venting.

You have the same thoughts I have. I know it will happen for me as well just don't know when and it agitates my nerves knowing I will have to deal with that ish sooner or later. I say it all the time but I dont think I can say it enough. I still cannot believe these type of people exist.

[peiper]

Im with you on that. The only thing Im trying to figure out is which is worse, the hurt from what she did or the hurt that I let her do it.

[peiper]

So confuslingly crazy, I miss her,  love her but I do not like her one bit. At the same time I wait for her call.

[LettingGo14]

So confuslingly crazy, I miss her,  love her but I do not like her one bit. At the same time I wait for her call.

Hello peiper -- it is paradoxical, isn't it?  I feel like my relationship is my own personal zen koan, whose answer is somewhere in me -- meaning that I can sit with the paradox and determine how I am going to relate to it.   I think, rather than waiting for the proverbial "other shoe to drop" we can choose to work with the stages of detachment -------------------->

Some days, in my mind, my ex-girlfriend looms larger than other days.  But, in retrospect, in the four months since I joined this community, I have re-framed and re-examined and re-claimed the power I once gave to her.   

[Red Sky]

I have actually heard of (nonBPD) couples who, after getting divorced, find that they want each other again, which is apparently due to the fact that they have worked out their problems and split up their issues so that they can't blame the other person. With my exbf, every time we broke up it released the building tension between us and once the tension was gone we could start anew. (Ugh)

But given that I doubt you want to try again, I would think about what you will do or say if she tries to reconcile. Try and second-guess the feelings you will have, the things she could say, and maintain, in your head, a narrative of why you are not going to reconcile. For example, remember that 'I am happier without her', and remember that you only feel calm and happy because you haven't had the chance to fight with her in a while. Or whatever like that applies to you.

It's befuddling, peiper. Hope you're doing okay.