My BPD ex text me constantly, tough I dont tex her back. Ever happened with you?

[Aura]

Soo... hello my dear family,

from the title, my ex keeps texting me. We broke up like 3 months ago, she had even a gf, but then i  guess lied about her, that she had some kind of tumor and died(). Now i keep my phone somewhere out of my sight or just dont look on whatsapp, but it happens that i kind of feel bad for her and blame myself for not texting back for such a long time ( she usually text me just "hey" "we need to talk" or just my name, friend says that it creeped her out).

So ever had something similar? If yes how do/did you deal with that?

A.

[thisworld]

Aura hi

Yes, this happens to many of us. Sometimes, when we go No Contact, this is triggers fears of abandonment and the amount of texts we receive escalates, like drastically. That one is very difficult to resist but we do other best not to break NC - if we do, that works like intermittent reinforcement and gives the message that the cost of receiving a reply is to send 50 texts. Then we start receiving those 50 texts. Hopefully, this should subside in time.

In other relationships and at later stages, we may get the out-of-the blue hello from time to time. My ex does this when his fear of abandonment is triggered for some reason - completely unrelated to me. I think knowing that I'm (or someone else is) there gives him a sense of control - but it doesn't mean that he won't disappear:)) It also happens when a replacement attempt doesn't go that well. If he seriously wants to recycle me, a "hey" is like one foot in the doorway. 

I deal with it by not taking it personally. This isn't as much about me as it is about his own fear of abandonment and needs arising from that. If it's not me, it's someone else. (I know that my ex never does this to one person only, but then everyone is different.)

What matters is what you want and what you need to keep yourself emotionally safe. What do you think you need to do to achieve that?

Best,  

[Aura]

Thank you so much for sharing

basically I had no choise but shut myself from my ex. When I did reply she would gather the subject "i will come to see you" tough we live miles and miles apart and not not that kind of nice "see you" but more like "you are mine and i love you i wont let you go" and it creeps me out. Or tell me "no" -as for "we didnt break up(yet)".

It was beareable until she started to lie even more, like 2 days ago she asked for my e-mail because she told about "us" to her psychologist and that she wanted to mail me... .wich is obviously a lie (I dont think a psychologist would call me a "slut" for breaking up with her, tough it was her initiative and asked me to break up )

And as I said I did hut myself and I blocked her, it sounds silly but, now as my friends support me I feel way better...