Was it BPD, Bi-Polar, both, or something else?

Ok thanks. Assume the following and I realize the danger of diagnosing from afar. Sorry for the length:

1.   5 year relationship. Started as an affair. Felt idealized, I am quite sure I was very loved. She is in her mid-40s as am I. We thought we were each other’s soul mates.
2.   She seemed to come from an abusive childhood, mostly at the hands of her father. Her mother could be cold and distant she told me she didn’t think her mother loved her.
3.   She told me early on that she lost respect for her ex-husband of 12 years because he spent them into heavy debt. She has two kids, including a son who treated me and my kids very coldly. I saw her be cold with her daughter.
4.   We had many great times together. She was very beautiful (former model), intelligent, funny, very sexual, fun, told me she loved me often, I was her “favorite” person, sent me lots of nudes, she “worshipped” me. She was very into her looks. I loved her too (still do), we and we got along great the majority of of time, actually have a lot in common, had deep conversations, texted very often when not together.
5.   She told me early on and at the end that she was diagnosed as bipolar. She diagnosed my ex-wife as BPD. Along the way she made references to her being a “bunny boiler”, seemed to know the language – push-pull, favorite, etc.
6.   She once said that all women at heart are “evil queens.” At the end she told me I was a “narcissist” “cheap” and “selfish.”
7.   She told me she could be very jealous and once put a GPS on my car when she thought I was cheating on her.
8.   Sometimes she would seem to freak out about minor slights, usually over money, sometimes minor things that would happen when we were out socially, like I said the wrong thing to her friends. Told me she once she needed to know her future was “assured” and most of are arguments were over money, her need to be “taken care of.” And she needed to “make hay while the sun shines.” Later she told me she had become “less of a princess.”
9.   We lived together for two years and it was mostly good, often felt quite normal and domestic, but after I learned she lied about her assets (she had far less) I began to lose my trust in her.
10.   Her “acts of love” decreased over time.
11.   She once suggested that beautiful women don’t work, although she did eventually re-renter the work force as a real estate agent.
12.   She was arrested once for forging a prescription for a sleep med and once for bringing weed through the airport. She smoked weed every day, took anti-depressants, and towards the end, ADHD meds ostensibly to help her with her job.
13.   She wanted sex almost all the time, got upset if I didn’t, and on at least a few occasions got off using my body while I was sleeping, once secretly taking a photo of us “together.” Sex was great but it did lack intimacy.
14.    She was nice to my kids and cooked for them (and me). However when I questioned how much she was actually doing for my kids given that they are with me only around 40% of the time, she threw a tantrum sent me a very long email in which she told me her “expectations” were that I would be the primary breadwinner when her alimony ran out, listed around 50 things she had “done for my kids”, and said that “time is money, it just is”.
15.   She continued to contribute 50/50 towards the rent and other household expenses in the meantime using her alimony and child support.
16.   Along the way she told me she “resented” that I was saving for retirement and my relationship with one of my daughters.
17.   She would take responsibility and would occasionally apologize for things. She was, at least on the surface, a very loving and loyal girlfriend.
18.   On three occasions towards the end she seemed to want to try and get me to hit her during verbal arguments. The first one was when we cancelled a trip because her car was stolen after she left the key in the car during a rash of car thefts in our (very nice) neighborhood, second one was after I told her I wanted to breakup mostly due to #11 above, and the last argument was after I agreed to sign the lease even though I was moving out and wanted to end things given her insistence on the money issue, she drove erratically with me in the car and raged at me with horrific names, and then she baited me into an argument, raged, gave a “duper’s delight” smile, recorded me, and called the cops and got a R/O.
19.   I believe she may be spoof calling me at times and I think she may have posted something online with hidden messages about BPD, such as her wearing a t shirt that says “queen” and her sort of dressed like a fairy or Tinker Bell.
I am still in love with the wonderful parts of her I knew, although clearly her behavior at times was total crap. I don’t expect to be back with her and am giving myself my own closure and have sought therapy, I would like to know, however, does this sound like BPD, NPD, bipolar, all of the above, or none of the above? Thanks.



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