Parental alienation intact home

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Am convinced after a couple of years of observation and research that my wife is an undiagnosed pwBPD. Cruelty, lack of empathy, rages, false accusations, recruiting children and friends as flying monkeys, incoherant arguments, smear campaigns its all there. For the sake of the two minor kids left, I have decided to stay rather than divorce, although I am preparing for the day when it may be necessary, or she files.

   My problem now is that she is trying to alienate my kids from me. She has already alienated one now-adult son. The only time he spoke to me or met with me in the past four years was when wife was out of town for a few days. She tried and failed to alienate a now adult daughter. Right now her main target is my teen aged younger daughter. Daughter is naturally on the quiet side. The past couple of years as wife's behaviors have accelerated, daughters grades are dropping, she is morose and depressed, seeing a counselor. When I saw what was happening I started making greater outreach to her; listening to her feelings; not responding to her outbursts or repeating of her mother's toxic opinions; taking every chance to spend more time with her. I stay consistent and positive with her, while still holding her accountable for her school work, her behavior, and her chores. I would say in the last year my efforts have been partially successful. Daughter's attitude towards me has gone from blatant hostility and contempt to a more reserved but open attitude.

   Wife encourages her to keep secrets from me. Even when we agree on a course of action for daughter, wife will go behind my back and do what she wants, encouraging daughter to keep secrets from Dad. I know wife will punish kids subtley for being nice to me or sharing any interests or hobbies with me.

   Any advice on how to neutralize parental alienation tactics, in an intact home?

[TakeAnEvenStrain]

Am convinced after a couple of years of observation and research that my wife is an undiagnosed pwBPD. Cruelty, lack of empathy, rages, false accusations, recruiting children and friends as flying monkeys, incoherant arguments, smear campaigns its all there. For the sake of the two minor kids left, I have decided to stay rather than divorce, although I am preparing for the day when it may be necessary, or she files.

   My problem now is that she is trying to alienate my kids from me. She has already alienated one now-adult son. The only time he spoke to me or met with me in the past four years was when wife was out of town for a few days. She tried and failed to alienate a now adult daughter. Right now her main target is my teen aged younger daughter. Daughter is naturally on the quiet side. The past couple of years as wife's behaviors have accelerated, daughters grades are dropping, she is morose and depressed, seeing a counselor. When I saw what was happening I started making greater outreach to her; listening to her feelings; not responding to her outbursts or repeating of her mother's toxic opinions; taking every chance to spend more time with her. I stay consistent and positive with her, while still holding her accountable for her school work, her behavior, and her chores. I would say in the last year my efforts have been partially successful. Daughter's attitude towards me has gone from blatant hostility and contempt to a more reserved but open attitude.

   Wife encourages her to keep secrets from me. Even when we agree on a course of action for daughter, wife will go behind my back and do what she wants, encouraging daughter to keep secrets from Dad. I know wife will punish kids subtley for being nice to me or sharing any interests or hobbies with me.

   Any advice on how to neutralize parental alienation tactics, in an intact home?

[worriedStepmom]

Is it possible to get your daughter into therapy?

Are you in therapy?  My therapist has had good tips for parenting (my stepdaughter's mother has uBPD).