I don't think I can do this anymore

[Jeansok]

so, I came across this site about a year and a half ago when I was desperate for answers I had no idea that my husband for one year was BPD. the fact that he had been married twice before should have been a red flag but I like to give people the benefit of doubt.

we were together for about 3 years and separated for 8 months got back together and then a month later we were married. I loved him and still love him so much and still have a hard time understanding this sickness and his behavior I almost just feel numb to it all. The mental abuse is just plain exhausting and this past week he has hardly been home at all. There has been ohysical abuse and bullying as wel . Of course he's trying to create the fact that I've got some issue I guess to keep from facing his own to make matters worse he hasn't been working for 4 months I could go on and on.

he is the most absolutely charming perfect man I have ever met whenever he's acting normal, whenever he's not its my worst nightmare. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this but God knows that I love him and just trying to understand a sign and have tremendous faith.

so last Saturday night he also told me that he has been talking to a divorce lawyer and he has an application on a nother place, I was completely devastated and now that I am have had a few days to process I know it's probably all crap, and even if it's not maybe it is the best thing and its going to hurt like hell and we have a two and a half year old, I am just at a loss!

I long for a somewhat normal peaceful marriage, I know marriage isn't perfect but when you're dealing with somebody who is mentally ill it's a whole different ballgame nothing is as what others would identify as normal... .

so lately it's been worse and I've been going out and hanging out with friends so now he's developed this whole thing about me having an alcohol issue which is completely absurd I think he's even convinced himself he told me to leave Saturday night and gave me 30 minutes to get out of the house in to check myself into a rehab center which is completely ridiculous, not to mention the fact that without him having a job even still I am paying for our rent and our bills practically everything it takes to live on and I was desperate Saturday night to do anything so he almost had me convinced! Later I came to my senses after talking to family and friends, and basically I told him if he wants to leave he can but I'm not leaving the place that I pay for and besides that he said he has some documentation on me the past 4 months and I stood my ground, and just told him that's all well and good I've got documentation since 2013, good luck with that buddy I don't think so

[Restored2]

Hi Jeansok.  This is so unfortunate that you are having to go through this.  I would encourage you to temporarily separate to protect yourself and your child from the physical/emotional abuse and to send him the message that you will not accept his abusive behavior.