Hello, Mr. Solo... .I'm really sorry that all of that drama had to happen; how did it end up? Did you ever get to work out the Halloween details? Did the kids already carve their pumpkins and get their costumes? Were you able to go along?
Sometimes the petty back and forth can really complicate things; though it's lousy when we have to be the adult in the relationship and stop the pettiness on our own end, doing that can sometimes calm things down or even nip them in the bud. Have you ever checked out the links to the right-hand side of this page? Have you ever tried the communication tools and techniques mentioned and explained in the The Lessons link to the right?
I really hope you are able to work out Halloween so that it is fun and satisfying for you, your kids, and even your (Ex?) wife
Today she is acting like nothing ever happened. I do not know if they carved pumpkins or not because any question I ask in regards to last night goes unanswered. The only thing she has said is she wants to go with us to get their costumes. I told her she could. Not answering questions is a favorite way of hers to ignore things that happened. She wrongs me, I speak up, she acts like it never happened, nothing is resolved, and the next time she will do the same type of thing. In fact, this is how she pretty much works. She is as vague as she can be about things and, in my opinion, it is on purpose so if she begins to get painted in a corner, she can wiggle out through some loophole she left open. If she cannot do that she just moves the goalposts. She is very good at maintaining the status quo without having to answer for anything.
I have checked the links and read as much as I could. I am trying to use the tools. The problem is, she has read up on a lot of things too. In addition, I am a social worker who has worked with people with personality disorders in mental hospitals so I have some training. But, because she knows this, any time she thinks I am using "tools" she gets mad, tells me to stop using psychology on her, and shuts down.
It is painful to deal with but she is very good at protecting herself with vagueness, generalities, omissions, etc., so that allows her to wiggle out of things and never have to deal with it. I honestly have a hard time explaining what she does and how she does it. All I know is it seems like a mechanism she uses to escape facing responsibility for anything and everything. If she gets busted then she uses the, "I don't remember," excuse. It is also very difficult for me to deal with because I am on the autism scale (Asperger's). That means I have an excellent memory, can spot patterns and inconsistencies others cannot, and, therefore, have great intuition about things that happen "below the surface." This is a huge problem for her and I think this is why she has learned to be vague or just say she doesn't remember.
She isn't my ex... .yet. LOL. We have been separated since July 15, 2013. I want to work things out but, as I said, I am getting really, really tired. I love her to death but I am starting to wonder if enough is enough. I have been through 4.5 years of pure HELL!
