Opening statement to family court

[samIam85]

I have a lot of good solid documented factual evidence to rebuttal my exgfepds Bs claims  that I abused her.
I'm trying to make an impactful opening statement for the judge as I heard they don't really understand the dynamic or take onto consideration the effects of  borderline disorders. Please feel free to critique and comment

Your honor

[My ex] has a undeniable personality disorder where all her actions are governed by impulse without any sense of accountability. It explains why she could have sex with someone else while texting me at the same time. It accounts for why she has gone almost 6 months with minimal to no contact with her own 3 yo daughter knowing deep down inside that she fabricated a story which her ex cunningly called her out on b.c. he knew she could not and would not be able to allow herself to  bare the shame that the truth would carry even if meant that she could see her daughter again. It explains how she was able to listen to her best friend explain how she was sexually assaulted by the men they had been with on June 13 and yet  later that night and for the week to foollow was able to continue escorting  and eventually attempt to cultivate a relationship with one while at the same time  trying to deceptively  rebuild another sadistic relationship with me. Her disorder strips her of any empathy or remorse helping to explain how she could tell me to drown in my own sorrow instead of apologizing after indirectly admitting to her unfaithfulness, how she could become livid and hostile towards me after I confirmed that I had contracted AN STD  from her and revealed that she was still maintaining a relationship with the guy she cheated on me with and gave it to us..It explains how she could become vindictive towards me believing in her own false narrative that the reason  her custody had been revoked was due to me contacting her daughters father instead of being accountable for the truth which is that she lied about threats from me in order to be able to pawn her daughter off to her ex husband so that she  could flip a rich trick  prostituting .,Most disheartening, it explains why after having given her everything I had emotionally , physically, and financially , after having devoted all my heart and energy towards the betterment of  her and her daughters lives , after sacrificing my time , livelihood , as well as any  relationships with any and all women and most friends  ,after giving up  a pleasurable life that allowed me to travel the country and  meet new people in exchange for  living somewhere close to her  in order to ensure that would always be safe and cared for and so that I could be there for her at a  moments notice should she find herself ever  be  scared , alone , or simply wanting the comfort of an embrace, in light of  all this she was able to reduce me into someone she wanted to enslave, offer no information when I desperately needed  answers to to questions regarding my health and the STD that she had given me, would gaslight endlessly purposely manipulating the truth  leading to me to question my own sanity and then finally discard me,  having given no closure , no sign or indication of an aplology for  humiliating  infecting  , cheating and deceiving me , disposing of me like a toy that she had used up and rid of believing that her own dillusions of her grandiose self entitled her to more than a man's everything and best. I do blame this all on her disorder because holding her accountable for any of it is a reality for her that has the same chance I do at ever being acknowledged as something real in her world

[NotAHero]

 Can you summarize the back story ? Is this an opening statement for custody of a child you share together ?

[BigOof]

Unless there's been a formal diagnosis of a PD, you can't say it in court. Opposing counsel will correctly object. You need to rewrite this in terms of "unchanging patterns of behavior." You also need to be less emotional and ask your lawyer for the relevant law. Read the law. Frame everything to fit what you're trying to prove.

[samIam85]

My bad. so my exgfwBPD of 6mo and I both r getting ROs against each other.She made up some story about me believing that I was presenting a threat to her and her daugter so that her ex husband would watch the kid while she took care of a 'personal matter'(she went to flip a rich trick). The ex husband took the threat seriously and required her to get an RO against me before she's allowed to keep their kid again. By virtue of BPD she ,she ofc blamed me for the loss of custody and sought revenge by sending one of her Johns after me . The guy ran me off the freeway in a hit n run that almost killed me . Now I'm getting an RO against her in an attempt to find out who the driver/John was and if any other johns are going to seek me out. I'm confident that I can prove my case and disprove everything she has ,but in doing so will provide the ex husband everything he would need to get fill custody forever as my exWBPD has done a lotta shady stuff oblivious of how prostituting could make her look bad and  create in unsafe environment for her kid. I'm hoping the judge will mandate she seek help. .

I mentioned my belief in her personality disorder in my initial court documentation and my lawyer didn't retract it .should I write something like she has" unchanging patterns of behavior not unlike  to a personality disorder"? 
The only evidence I have that's tricky is my 'tile ' tracker log. The tracker clearly shows her going to random secluded parking lots for exactly 30 min or 1 hr at a time. Pretty obvious what shes doing . I need to figure out how to preseent this information to the court without letting them know im tracking her.

[samIam85]

Or how about if I say something like ,'one would think she has bpd as she exhibits many  of it's characterisrics such as when she _____:

[NotAHero]

  I can see why you feel deeply betrayed.

However, courts normally issue restraining orders with minimal evidence against males. Showing a tracker log or sounding angry / deeply hurt will not help your case.

 As mentioned above as well mentioning PDs in court is rarely a good idea. Especially with no formal diagnosis. I know that you have been hurt that you think it’s obvious but that’s not how courts work.

 I would summarize facts like ;

 - On this date we met she was in this financial situation and I felt bad for her and offered this and that. Then this and that behavior started concerning me. Then - insert all threats, incidents where she threatened, abused or attacked you.

 If you ever threatened her in anyway she will get the RO even if she was the initial aggressor. You should have realistic expectations in court. At any rate if your worst case scenario is getting an RO against you then you cut all contact , delete her from your life and when the order is set to expire you show up. Court will normally rescind it then.

 Best of luck

[BigOof]

Tracking your ex with a tile logger is domestic violence. Don't even bring this up to your lawyer. They're officer of the court and obligated to disclose this in discovery if opposing counsel asks. If this is found out, the FRO will be granted.

Simply go with how she gave you an STD and that harmed you. You want nothing to do with her and this is a waste of the court's time. If they're dragging the kid into it, call the kid to testify and establish you never threaten or harmed the kid.

However, your best bet is to prove this a function of the ex husband's requirements and not for her safety requirements.

[ForeverDad]

Claims, especially ones that are vague or includes phrases such as "she always" or "he always", are less likely to be viewed as actionable.  Documentation is much fore powerful.

However, when the topic is protection orders or restraining order, courts are more likely to err on the side of caution.  No judge wants to read in the daily paper that a case he/she handled ended up with injury or death.  So a judge may be willing to issue an order with little basis.  Compounding that is women are typically claiming to be obvious victims and the men obvious aggressors.  You goal is to challenge that stereotype with your specific documentation.

Also, knowing it is possible the judge may grant temporary protections for several months, strive to keep the matter just between the adults.  That is, keep the kids excluded.  Is your case about the adult conflict only?

I recall in my case that CPS reviewed things at the start of my separation and stood up in court to state they had "no concerns" about me as a parent.  (Unfortunately they were silent about my now-ex since that hearing didn't include my concerns about her.) 

Part of your position is that you no longer want a relationship with her, just parenting.  She is an adult, after all, to a certain extent you can't live her life for her.  However, you want an order, if one is granted, where your parenting is not restricted, communication and exchanges are done safely in safe places.

EDIT:  Sorry, I thought there was parenting involved...  Since you don't share children with her that is one less complication.  I still suspect the court may be inclined to err on the side of caution, you know, just in case.  Your concern is that she's trying to punish you with the TRO process.  You need to be very clear you want no relationship with her whatsoever.

Another thought... have you done a records search in your area and her prior residences to determine whether she's filed similar cases in courts against other men?  She may be a serial accuser.

[samIam85]

!ForeverDad YUPP. She had a 3 week string of allegations that took two months of the courts time and resources to arrive at the conclusion that she was intentionally making them up . The allegations against her ex hus are nearly identical to mine ie emotional abuse, harrassing , etc.

I do have mounds of documentation as I can already predict she will pull something out of left field in the final hour to accuse me of so i have tried very diligently to get as much evidence as possible and have amassed quite a bit especially in the form of sms texts where she admits all sorts of crazy stuff.

I do have one question though, should i be including indirect evidence as opposed to just explicit ones. For instance , i have a few texts and just my own accounts of what she told me she made in the month of June ( over 30k! cash in 2 weeks) and drew out the dots from my bread crumbs  that painted the picture suggesting she as prostituting . I dont have anything like a picture or text where she mentions having sex. but i do have texts where she goes awol for EXACTLY one hour and 30 minutes at a time and then gastlights me to no end for asking simple stuff like "where were you " and remarks that I "you wont want to know" what she just did for that hour, and  those texts were sent in the same 2 week time frame.

[samIam85]

I forgot to ask , is it possible that this family court judge might  directly do something about her custody if  thats not what this hearing is about ( its about mutual DVRO). I plan on point out   her dangerous decision making habits which amongst other things, creates a dangerous environment for her kid by letting  REALLY DANGEROUS johns/tricks know where she and her daughter live and has on several occasions dissaperared without notice to flip a trick leaving her daughter behind for me to find hanging out by herself upon my arrival . I want to be able to show how selfish and inconsiderate she is but i dont want to deprive her lil one of a mom

[ForeverDad]

but i dont want to deprive her lil one of a mom

Whereas in the past she tried to deprive her lil one of a dad?

I don't know what her parenting schedule is, but probably the lil one doesn't see enough of her dad.  What is the parenting schedule like?

Odds are this case is just between the adults and the court is not focused on parenting, but it could always refer her parenting to children's services.  In any case, any testimony about the child could be used by the dad to better his own parenting authority.  Assuming he's a reasonably normal guy, that's not a bad thing.

[GaGrl]

What does your lawyer say about strategy and an opening statement? If you have representation, he/she will make the opening g statement -- not you.

The judge will be I referred in the adults involved, not her child. So the focus needs to be what you, as an adult, need in terms of court protection.

Proof that she has done this to a partner before may be your strongest focus.

[samIam85]

He hasnt said anything yet and at 500 /hr i need to be ready with good questions when i utilize him . I honeslty dont know if the dad is good or bad. I was manipulated into thinking he was sexually abusing the kid but only found out after breaking up that was a lie she made in court. I know i did see bruises on the kid but i honestly now dont know if she might have been the one that caused them . I know hes a narcissist , apparently a BPD's best match, and is very controlling . I suspect he was the one hacking in all my email accounts when together. But aside from  the stuff she tells me , i dunno how to tell if hes good. He does have  temp full custody though because   the sex abuse allegations were found intentionally fabricated. She only gets to see her kid  1-2 times a week. Im afraid for the kid tho . i really care about the lil one and i know the mom is getting involved with some dangerous DANGEROUS mf'r's prostituting . But what kid doesnt need a mom . My evidence to protect myself clearly shows her association and threats to /from her employers. I honestly dont know how to proceed and still protect myself , the kid , and her without endangering either custody or one of our lives

[ForeverDad]

But what kid doesnt need a mom.

This has emotional overtones all over it.  We get it.  We care too.  But she is damaging in her adult relationships, how could that damage not impact her daughter?  Deal with the reality.

I honestly dont know how to proceed and still protect myself, the kid, and her without endangering either custody or one of our lives

Let the truth come to light.  You yourself are the first priority since you can't help anyone now or in the future if you don't survive this legal matter.  Your ex has already damaged her parenting ability.  Don't fret over how she can parent, or not, that's her problem.  Again, I remind you she's an adult.  Court will not try to fix her, they will deal with her as she is, you would do well to accept that perspective too.