icesoul
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 95
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« on: February 28, 2017, 02:09:26 AM » |
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My soon to be ex wife (undiagnosed borderline) wife has abandoned me. i believe she is a prime example of the borderline disorder. In the beginning i didnt know what was wrong with her, her mom always told me she was extremely sensitive which she was.
Anyway, after 7 years of marriage, she left me after getting me in trouble with the law. she was mad at me. i dont want to divorce her cause we got 4 children together but i feel my hand is forced cause unfortunately she is cheating/living with the replacement boyfriend with no remorse/guilt
here is a list of all the symptoms are were there/persent
* extremely clingy - (didn't let me go grocery alone in 7 years, didn't let me go to gym)
* silent treatments - too many
* push pull behavior - she loves me, few hours later, more arguments. got worst the last year
* extreme mood swings -
* love bombing / devulation (toward end)
* unstable relationships - i believe she is Waif. 6years she was quiet and loving. in 2016, turned very into queen/witch
* extreme fear of abandonment
* gas-lighting - exaggerated with friends im drunk, thief and telling me stories that didnt happen.
* compulsive liar
* unexplained passing out from stress (possibly seizures?)
* any stress/arguments would have blisters/puss in her mouth (strange)
* suicidal attempt (only happened once in rage)
* picking scabs in her arms (only happened last year). i seen burn marks too, not sure if she did em intentionally.
* 1 rage in 7 years of marriage
* mother definitely witch borderline, child abused involved (Beating her)
* father abandoned her at age 12, she thinks hes dead, missing from last 4years
* she would tell me someone knocked on window. or left love letters (think she wrote them herself)
* anger was under control, but lots of arguments. but after she left me split me black. extreme hate
* false domestic violence allegations
* false child abuse allegations
* sold/ stole my music equipment, sold jewelry
* self destructive behavior - impulsive SEX (left solid marriage for a loser boyfriend a week after putting me to jail)
* identity shift, with me she was more conservative. with boyfriend (drinking, being promiscuous, small clothes)
* dead silence - 0 conversation. regardless, i have no contact. been 5months. living with boyfriend
* out of touch with reality. she put me in jail with false allegations and commuted adultery, somehow its all my fault
* no boundaries - sleeping with replacement while pregnant with my child. in 2months and moved in with my kids.
* intense smear campaign against me to her family and friends (no job, lack of money, yet she is broke at the moment)
* Splitted black - refused to talk to anyone in my family, she sees me as all bad
* parental alienation (wouldn't let me see or talk to my children)
* accusing me of affair (not true)
* very very smart, yet manipulative and evil
She has left a solid marriage of 7 years. We had such good memories that she no longer acknowledges with friends and family. She put me in jail by false domestic violence charges and left me for the replacement. Sad part is that we had 3 children and she was pregnant, and she start sleeping with replacement without any respect for the child inside of her.
during our marriage, we had many arguments, and i countered her, she always baited me in circular arguments, some of them didnt make no sense at at all. she was extremely jealous, would even argue/got jealous about if i liked an actress in a movie. Im not the co-dependent type cause i always stood my ground and put boundaries and it worked for first 6years.
We had a beautiful marriage for last 6 years. only in 2016 we started having a lots of problems. im not sure she was bored, or if she felt like maybe her father died, not sure what happened... During our she was very polite, had great first 6 years, there were few red flags silent treatments, hyper sensitiveness, wouldnt let me out the house. I think her illness was dormant most of the marriage.
in 2016, our marriage came to a disaster. we were arguing, and i told her i would divorce her if she wouldnt stop arguing about stuff that was irrelevant (bad idea) she cut her face, while i was sleeping and told the cops i did it and i got arrested. after i went to jail for 3 days, my family and her mom started arguing.
i think something somewhere got triggered cause now she was on immense smear campaign. She was never the same person after that, cause she kept trying to cover the shame of sending me to jail by falsely accusing me of domestic violence to her family. in a month we reconciled and things started off great again. now she felt power of the law, started harassing me everyday to send me to jail when conversations didnt go her way.
I didnt back down from her arguments (i regret it cause i love her a lot). she called the cops and said i wanted to physically hurt her and sent me to jail again since first case was pending (all lies ofcourse) :)ue to my cases, i cant contact her due to no contact. AFter 2 weeks, she posted pictures on facebook with replacement, i was so heart broken cause i truly loved the woman and i didnt see it coming. Never thought she would cheat on me that easily cause i done so much for in the marriage.
Her mom is in contact with her, (her mom i think is crazy borderilne too, a lot worst than her) she wont tell her mom straight, if she wants divorce or not, nor the mom would tell me either. Mom blames everything for me for infidelity that i was uncaring, jobless and its all my fault that she cheated cause emotionally i pushed her to her limited etc etc, lot of BS, and denial.
i need some help in breaking down her behavior.
2 months after she left me she contact my sister cause she needed money. she told my sister she didnt want divorce, my sister asked her if she wants to work it out, and she said YES. she said if the replacement (boyfriend) try to contact her, ignore him and not to text her back for few days (this is after they met in person and she got the help already, money, clothes, food etc but she did say she wanted to return and reconsile and wanted to talk to me on phone which i refused due to no contact.
my sister gota call from her which was dialed to her by accident, seemed like they were arguing, my sister sent police to do a wellfare check on them. which might have triggered her. she completely shut off my family after and cut contact. she posted a pic with replacement kissing him.
1) when my sister text her, saying look, do u want a divorce, she dont say Yes or NO. she dont want to talk about it, she keep saying its between me and your brother and got kinda angry and they started going back n forth.
2) yet she was telling the replacement she wants to get a divorce when my family talked to him.
so in 2 months she moved in with him, and really doesnt want nothing to do with us. my sister tried to write her please talk as a woman to woman, she told the replacement that we trying to win her back. he got on the phone and started talking reckless and having ignorant arguments blaming me for abuse.
she been posted weird posts on facebook. she is drinking. she gave birth to 4th child. its been 5 months all together now... here is the thing, i love her, and would sacrifice things to get her in therapy but i dont see any chance of her returning. she seems completely infatuated with the replacement.
my questions are
1) how is divorce going to effect her?
2) she has nothing to do with me. she told her friend, i will die paying her child support that i would have to leave her
3) she buying gifts for replacement (alcohol, shoes) she never bought me stuff, is she trying to win his love?
any advice to bring her back? we exhausted all options. my sister tried to talk to her. her friends and family tried to tell her what she is doing is wrong, she wont listed to anyone
all her friends and family abandoned her because they think what she is doing is immoral/ unethical to the kids. keep in mind she comes from a very conservative family but now she is completely out of control. her family has nothing to do with her.
has she gone into deeper level of splitting? she hates hates hates me. she keep telling people only judge going to decide custody. and she wont let me see kids. or talk to them.i have no contact against her but not the kids.
replacement is a knuckle head also. hes trying so hard to keep her that hes being very hostile and argumentative to prove his loyalty and now hes insecure since we want her back. the guy is a straight loser
she told her family she left me cause there wasnt enough income to run the household (just lies/excuses) yet she is living in worst conditions. she is begging people (neighbors/friends) for money. worst is she dont have money, but she is buying this guy hennessy bottle for his birth and gift like shoes. she never bought me stuff. its weird, i was the husband.
if i file divorce. is she going to charm? seem like she is done with me and splitted blacker than black. i want her to charm me so i can get her in therapy. besides all her faults, i love her to death. we had good 6 years. but i dont know what happened. she act like she dont even remember me and possibly forgot all our memories. she tells everyone that she was miserable with me
the pictures speak otherwise. i have 6 years worth of pictures. we were always happy. this is very heartbreaking for me. i still havent recovered in 5 months. i miss her and my heart is shattered due to her infidelity. she does all of this with no remorse/ or guilt. its very very sad. she has destroyed her children... btw, the guy she moved in with is from different faith/religion, different language, different race language, it doesnt even make any sense. all her family is pissed but they cant do much cause they are overseas.
is her love for me gone? she seems too caught up with the replacement? i feel bad cause i dont want to abandon her when she probably needs me to the most. cause i want to put her in therapy if i was ever given a chance but she forced me to be so distant now that i cant reach out to her. i realize she has become very dangerous for me. but i gota big heart and i forgive people. i wish i could help this woman... she is mother of my kids after all but i do realize the risks involved.
lastly i been doing bad after she left me. i loved her and its hard once you have kids with a woman. never dealt with BPD in my life. i wish i would of caught it when i was living with her. actually i did but i didnt take it seriously. she has gone completely MAD and i worry for her cause i dont want her to end up on drugs... this guy is a straight loser, he is taunting me through her and my kids. he has nothing to offer her, any financial support nothing. she has lost her mind.
she comes from a culture where its forbidden to drink and have unmarital sex. she has broken all boundaries/limits and continue you do so. she has lost everything over this guy. her family, my family, marriage. im not sure if is self destructive behavior and she is punishing herself or does she really wants this type of lifestyle. just a very sad situation.
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