Homeschool?

[Pondereth]

My step daughter is 16 and has struggled for a long time. Bio mom had BPD and committed suicide in Dec 2007 when my daughter was 8. She went from an A student, to C's and F's. She has a secret boyfriend she has been lying to us about for months insisting they are friends, she has alienated herself from all other friends besides the boy, started cutting 6 months ago, and has "attempted" suicide by taking 6 Tylenol, telling us right away, then getting mad when we didn't react the way she wanted. I homeschool 4 other kids and I want to pull her too. She tells us and her counselor that everything is and school is fine, but she tells everyone else (in email) how bad it is and how much she hates it. Do any of you homeschool a BPD child? I don't know if I can even handle being around her all day but she is spiraling downward at public school. She doesn't have any ways to cope with the social situations that arise at school. She does an online school in the public school building and instead of doing the work, she emails the boy. She doesn't want me to pull her (because she wants to to see the boy). (He has used drugs/alcohol in the past, swears like a sailor, and reinforced to her we -the parents- are wrong.) How does homeschooling work out with BPD kids?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Shell Shocked]

I pulled my 16 year old daughter out of school at Christmas break.  She had been refusing to go and would spend days in bed just not getting up.  I was constantly on the phone with her guidance counselor.  After break she told me that she would rather die than go back.  She had alienated all her friends and was very depressed and miserable.  I am currently "homeschooling" her in title.  However, she attends classes at our local community college as a dually enrolled student.  She is taking 3 classes.  She started with 5 but it was too much for her to handle - mentally, not academically.  Academically she is quite bright, gifted even. 

I also homeschool my other children (I have 5 others at home but only 3 of them are school aged - the other two are younger) as well.  It has been tough.  I cannot personally homeschool my 16 year old because she would not accept me as a teacher.  It does seem to work with me in a facilitator role.  I drive her to and from classes and I sign off on her classes and do the reporting to the school district.

Having her home all day can be challenging.  It does impact my ability to homeschool my other girls.  She is gone a good part of 2 days each week with her college classes, I am gone all day with my younger girls at a co-op another day, so there are only 2 weeks days that she is home all day.  Usually she just stays in bed or in her room.  I am trying to help her find a barn to volunteer at during those days.  She really enjoys working with horses and I think it would be great for her to get some fresh air, exercise, and do some manual labor.   

I am not sure how it would work if she had not wanted to leave school.  My daughter is pretty oppositional and whatever *I* want or ask of her, she almost seems compelled to do the opposite.  I have to be extremely mindful of the way I present things to her if I want her to cooperate or I need to make deals.  For example, we recently got her learner's permit and she is somewhat motivated by this.  If she wants to drive, have us pay for her driving lessons, etc... .she needs to comply with some rules. 

I am really new to this group/message board and to BPD in general but I am happy to chat about homeschooling or anything else I can help with.   

[lbjnltx]

Hello Hillarygale,

Glad to have you  here on the Parents Board.

It seems your stepd16 has some accommodations at school.  Does she have an IEP?  If she is failing courses it is up to the IEP committee to address this and make necessary changes to help turn this around.

I did homeschool my d (then 14) for a while using online public school when she first graduated from an RTC.  It was only short term to finish out the school year back in our state.  I don't recommend it because it puts a great deal of stress on the family who is already stressed.  I believe that it is best to focus family attention on building relationships.  As parents to a child with BPD we have enough on our plates just doing that without becoming teacher/principal/school counselor too.  That is just my opinion.

My d was able to complete the assigned work (she had a 504plan) and go onto public school the following year.  This is after coming out of a successful 9 month RTC.  There is no way that she would have been able to do the "homeschool" without both of us having all the skills we learned at the RTC.

lbjnltx

[busymind79]

I recently used an online program that the school provided to homeschool my D15 when she returned from a six week RTC. It was mainly used as a way to recover some credits from the time she missed while in treatment and she only took two classes. I hope to never have to do that again.

We struggled every day with getting her to do the work. When we could talk her into logging into the program each day, she would do so with her cell phone in the other hand and text her friends throughout the video lessons. She would then complain and throw tantrums that the program taught her nothing and then expected her to be able to answer questions. Many times she would only do the work when she understood that she could not go to the school basketball game or a youth group outing until it was completed. The stress on our family was much worse having her home all day. It also gave her more fuel against us as we were "controlling her" and trying to "run her life".

She did manage to get the program finished the day before she was to return to regular school and pass both classes, but it was extremely difficult for everyone involved.