WOW

[captnnemo]

I wouldn't know where to start tbh. I think i could write i book about the last four years with the love of my life ? and the mother of my son. I never looked into BPD  until very recently and i am gutted i didn't earlier. I have almost lost my mind trying to make this girl happy and enjoy life i just thought she was being an absolute ***** because of her past and hadn't been shown any different! didn't really believe in depression and bi-polar never even heard of BPD! I couldn't understand how she couldn't accept ever doing anything wrong or that her actions were hurting me. This site has opened my eyes and some of the things i am reading have helped me realise that this is a real problem its like a camera has been on our relationship its amazing LOL I have made a lot of mistakes dealing with things how i deemed best sometimes mirroring her actions to show her how it felt... .really made a mess ! we have 3 children, 2 from her previous relationship. I don't live with her because it was too volatile and i have stayed with her because i can't let go and i am scared of her moving straight into another relationship and my children going through it with a stranger. It's driving me insane though soo hard... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[flowerpath]

Hi, captnnemo.   

Glad you found us!

Like you, a lot of us here could write a book, and many of the stories would be very similar. 

You're off to a great start by reading the lessons. They will help you to recognize patterns of behavior and learn better ways of responding.  When I first came here, I didn't realize that a lot of this would be about making changes in myself, but doing that has resulted in a better quality of life in our home.   

[believer55]

Hi Capt... .I think we can all appreciate where you are at the moment. It was definitely an AHA moment when I found out about BPD. As with you, as I read the stories of others I felt they knew exactly what I was going through. Firstly find some comfort in the fact that you are not alone and also that your partner is also not alone. It is a hard and rough road to stay and support your pwBPD. I have found the lessons here very worthwhile - not to read just once but to revisit again and again. There is no secret answer on how to cope and survive but there is lots of support.

Take care of you and the children - I know my 2 have been perplexed by the behaviour of their step-father and I am very careful how I explain it to them (they are 12 and 14 so able to start to comprehend concepts of depression and anxiety etc).

Read lots and post whenever you need to.

[captnnemo]

Thank you for your responses. I've split up with her again, i think we both need some time to realise what we have or have not got together. I have completely changed as a person and have lost my confidence and strength. I need to to get my strength back its so draining. I need to be there for my children but she has no empathy or understanding of me at all, i can't even do anything nice without her thinking its some devious form of control. I fear she will start seeing other men which i am sure she talks to behind my back and has done in the past repeatedly, and the children will suffer. She is a good mother but finds it hard and feels alone and feels i don't support her enough, which i probably don't at the minute. She can lose her temper and over react and won't listen with me and the children which i try to make her see but can only do that for the children i sort of deflect it. I can't put a foot wrong my car broke down last week and i have not seen her or my children since, i have spoken on the phone to her and have been trying to tell her how much its hurting her being like this to me, but she thinks i'm attacking her and am just trying to make her feel bad. My feelings really don't matter and i'm not sure i can take it anymore.

[believer55]

It sounds like you have taken a step towards caring for yourself which sounds overdue. Try to keep communication with her open but limited to what you need to discuss and don't be hooked into JADEing.

Good luck and keep posting.