Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
May 21, 2024, 09:01:47 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted (Read 808 times)
juju2
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1137
Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
on:
July 29, 2018, 04:01:44 PM »
Hi family,
Anyone w experience on untangling co owned vehicles.
We have two, w loans. He is main owner, i am co owner.
As a last resort, i could turn the vehicle i drive in to the company that carries the loan. I have a drivable car, back up car, that i can drive. This is our last entanglement.
Thank you very much!
j
Logged
MeandThee29
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 977
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #1 on:
July 29, 2018, 04:14:24 PM »
Others may know more than I do, but I know that a friend of mine refinanced the car loan in only her name. She was worried about it because her income was lower, but she got it. He had some paperwork to sign for both the title and the loan.
Mine has a car he bought in only his name after we separated, and I have three cars here titled in both of our names, one with a loan. I'm concerned that may be a problem down the road, but I'm not wanting to pursue that right now. I don't have the income to refinance the car loan at this point, and my college kids drive the other two.
Logged
juju2
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1137
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #2 on:
July 30, 2018, 10:32:43 PM »
Hi everyone.
he asked if he could call today, he asked if the moving of his things could be delayed. He said i started plans for removing his belongings, after he told me he was in a r/s. He wanted me to know that he sees this new r/s is likely over, he wanted me to know. He also said he misses me... .
i listened to him, and agreed for the time being to delay moving his things. I will see what develops... .
He is reaching out... .
all i could do was validate his feelings and then, said i need to get off the phone, something i need to do. Am trying to be cool. Have been reading up on relationship dynamics, and if he is reaching out, the best thing for me is to be calm, and not get excited. Lukewarm, is how i was. This is the most he has communicated to me in months... .
j
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #3 on:
July 31, 2018, 12:57:02 PM »
Juju,
I like the refinance idea. Have him refinance and remove your name.
Do you have a loan on one or two vehicles with him?
Confirm your backup vehicle is yours... and yours alone... no loans.
I would encourage him to hurry up and "detangle" your mess... .so that the only thing you guys have to discuss... .is the status of your relationship.
So... clarity... .I would recommend you say you can't delay moving the things out.
He may or may not be trying to manipulate. That's not your concern. All these entanglements have been thorns for you guys... .regardless of the long term outcome of your r/s... .best to remove them.
Boundaries! Less complications!
And... .if you don't feel like being a harda$$... perhaps let him know if he hurries with the refinance... you will have flexibility on moving stuff out. (see how you are "helping" him and he is "helping" you)
You are saying yes to him... and he should be saying yes to you. If he wants all the yeses and wants you to take all the nos... .what does that tell you?
FF
Logged
MeandThee29
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 977
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #4 on:
July 31, 2018, 02:49:42 PM »
Quote from: juju2 on July 30, 2018, 10:32:43 PM
all i could do was validate his feelings and then, said i need to get off the phone, something i need to do. Am trying to be cool. Have been reading up on relationship dynamics, and if he is reaching out, the best thing for me is to be calm, and not get excited. Lukewarm, is how i was. This is the most he has communicated to me in months... .
I went "gray rock" or lukewarm when mine was here getting his stuff, and it frustrated him, LOL. It wasn't hard to do because I had to do something to keep my composure, and lashing out never worked.
He said that I was boring and didn't care about anything much.
Logged
juju2
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1137
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #5 on:
August 01, 2018, 08:27:54 AM »
Hi F.
am going to talk to our lender on the expensive vehicle that i drive ... .one year later my credit is horrible and he told me his is also... .
Am in a bit of a holding pattern, for the next couple of weeks... .he did reach out, and share a lot of information... .so am digesting the new information... .watchful waiting to see what actions follow... .
All of his stuff, is our stuff we had from the beginning. So i knew what i was getting in to... .
Thank you for your support!
j
Logged
juju2
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1137
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #6 on:
August 01, 2018, 08:47:09 AM »
So, my back up vehicle is older, it runs, its all mine, it was the daily driver for me before getting the new truck last year. he didnt make any comment on my email about getting the vehicles in one name.
am taking this one step at a time, to see if he really does miss me, and asks for plans for us to see one another. I will know soon enough.
thank you all, j
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #7 on:
August 01, 2018, 08:51:25 AM »
If credit is horrible... .then the adverse impact of turning in the vehicle should be minimal... correct?
Compare that to the impact of detangling your relationship?
Juju2... .I'm concerned that your plan is waiting to see his plan or see "if he misses you". How has that worked out in the past?
FF
Logged
juju2
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1137
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #8 on:
August 01, 2018, 11:01:59 AM »
I get it F.
for me, this day, it works.
Tomorrow could be another thing.
am not playing chess. am coming from
what feels ok from my gut.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
«
Reply #9 on:
August 01, 2018, 12:11:08 PM »
I wish you the best
juju2
How can we best support you as you consider things?
FF
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Untangling vehicles, advice wanted
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...