A number of people have recommended I write a book. Some of the things I've considered "normal" for years have gotten reactions ranging from spit takes to angry ranting. Maybe one day...
We have a hearing for our temporary restraining order set. Has anyone ever been involved in one? CPS has flat out said that if the order isn't continued/extended that they'll step in to help me protect the kids. However, after speaking with the CPS agent, local PD, and the kids' therapist the gist I'm getting from them is that it will almost certainly be extended/granted/etc. I think the multiple CPS investigations and her recently being committed (and now my D's interview with the CPS agent) will all come into play.
Any tips/advice on how to prepare for the hearing?
I had an order of protection against my stbxw. It never actually made it to a hearing, and if your w hires an attorney, you might be prepared for them to offer what my w's attorney offered and I accepted. It was an agreement to extend the temporary order for the duration of the divorce. That kept the order of protection from being something that showed up on background checks of her. For me, I was okay with it because it moved the OP to the same judge that was hearing our divorce case, and a violation of it still put her in contempt, and a hearing was always an option. No idea if your w will ask for that, but be aware that it is a possibility.
I also had an order of protection many years ago against a stalker. That's obviously a different situation, but I did have a hearing for that. It was all pretty straightforward, and I think it would've been with my w as well. Basically, you just need to be able to substantiate what was in your petition for the ex parte order. The judge has already signed off on what you said there being enough to grant an OP. If you can substantiate what's in that, which you can, you should be fine. In my case, I had submitted all the evidence I had to back up what I was saying, and the actual hearing took less than 10 minutes. I wouldn't necessarily count on that, but I think the focus should just be on substantiating the claims in the original petition.
More broadly, I wanted to chime in to say I've been following your story and there are a lot of similarities to my story (minus having children.) I hung around for a long time with my w. I put up with a lot of abuse for a lot of years. My wife was committed multiple times. She self-harmed and made more suicide threats than I can count and a handful of fairly serious attempts. I ultimately filed for divorce and got an order of protection against her. It's all really hard.
But for me, the order of protection was the best thing I ever did. I had a lot of guilt about it. But the order of protection gave me a chance to breathe for the first time in many, many years. I didn't realize how much I needed that until I actually had it.
One of the things I've come to realize, after over a year of weekly therapy, is how distorted my own perceptions of reality were. When you're in the middle of all of that, and threats are everywhere, and you're constantly on high alert, and you get really attuned to the other person's emotions, and you live your life trying to keep fires from starting, you literally lose sight of reality and lose touch with huge portions of yourself. At least I did. And I didn't realize it until I got a break from it. It's like being out at sea for a long time. You get used to it. It feels normal. It's not until you get back on land that you realize how messed up your equilibrium is. I mean on some level I realized it, as you do, but for me, there has been a whole new level of understanding that has come with time and space and the opportunity to just be me.
You have a lot of practical things to think about and work through right now. And all of that is obviously hugely important. I hope you can also take this time when you get a nice long break from the chaos, to start the process of grounding yourself and reorienting yourself and getting back in touch with parts of yourself that have possibly been cut off to you for a long time.
I hope all of what you're doing right now brings you some peace soon. That peace can do wonders for your ability to make decisions about how you want to move through this.