I will NOT respond.

[vbor]

She attempted to make contact with me last night.

It was the first time that's happened in 9 weeks and 4 days (yes, I'm still counting).

Things have been relatively quiet for me the past few months. I've been working on myself a lot lately both personally and professionally. She (an admitted and diagnosed BPD), nor I have had no contact with one another for almost 3 months now (except for one brief and disregulated text conversation a week after the break-up).

I really never expected to hear from her again, but I should have known better. It's strange how, only in the past few weeks, I've really started to detach myself from all the memories and all the pain she had caused and I got to a point where it wasn't eating away at my soul on a daily basis. I don't know if that means I've reached the "acceptance" part of this thing but I really felt I was close to it.

Then... .last night happened. It's almost like she knew or had some sort of sixth sense that I was really starting to get over her and move on with my life.

Right after the break-up, I immediately blocked her on Facebook. Didn't do much good it seems because she just created a new profile and tracked me down using the new account. She sent me a friend request last night along with this single message... .

"I stopped by to see you before I left town. Wanted to say goodbye."

I was out last night at a friend's house last night having dinner and didn't get back until late in the evening, so if she did come to my house I obviously wasn't there. I'm really glad I accepted my friend's invitation now. I also realize that this message is probably a trap. Needless to say... .I'm a bit on edge today. I have no problem with not responding to any of her texts of Facebook messages. I have too much respect for myself to respond. But if she's going to be showing up at my door wanting to talk... .that scares the hell out of me. Maybe it was just "talk" about stopping by. Maybe it wasn't.

The other thing about the Facebook account... .ALL my posts are always 'friends only'. Somehow, she found a lot of images and/or quotes I had posted over the past few months and re-posted them on her new account as her own just last night. I know she's not very tech savvy, so I can only assume she must be in contact with someone on my friends list who can see all my posts. It creeps me out a bit because I only have family members and close friends on my friends list and we never shared any mutual connections.

It's just been a VERY strange past 24 hours for me. If anyone here has any insight or suggestions about how to handle a face-to-face confrontation, it would be greatly appreciated.

[4Years5Months]

Definitely a trap.  Begging for a response.  My ex does this by posting comments on mutual friends' statuses that I have commented on, knowing I'll get the notification and see it.  The most recent one was how she "may get to meet" Neil deGrasse Tyson, who we both love.  Of course she wants me to ask her how she will meet him, which will be her way to flaunt my replacement in my face, which I already know about.

Your ex probably wants to do something similar.  Stay strong!

[jhkbuzz]

She attempted to make contact with me last night.

It was the first time that's happened in 9 weeks and 4 days (yes, I'm still counting).

Things have been relatively quiet for me the past few months. I've been working on myself a lot lately both personally and professionally. She (an admitted and diagnosed BPD), nor I have had no contact with one another for almost 3 months now (except for one brief and disregulated text conversation a week after the break-up).

I really never expected to hear from her again, but I should have known better. It's strange how, only in the past few weeks, I've really started to detach myself from all the memories and all the pain she had caused and I got to a point where it wasn't eating away at my soul on a daily basis. I don't know if that means I've reached the "acceptance" part of this thing but I really felt I was close to it.

Then... .last night happened. It's almost like she knew or had some sort of sixth sense that I was really starting to get over her and move on with my life.

Right after the break-up, I immediately blocked her on Facebook. Didn't do much good it seems because she just created a new profile and tracked me down using the new account. She sent me a friend request last night along with this single message... .

"I stopped by to see you before I left town. Wanted to say goodbye."

I was out last night at a friend's house last night having dinner and didn't get back until late in the evening, so if she did come to my house I obviously wasn't there. I'm really glad I accepted my friend's invitation now. I also realize that this message is probably a trap. Needless to say... .I'm a bit on edge today. I have no problem with not responding to any of her texts of Facebook messages. I have too much respect for myself to respond. But if she's going to be showing up at my door wanting to talk... .that scares the hell out of me. Maybe it was just "talk" about stopping by. Maybe it wasn't.

The other thing about the Facebook account... .ALL my posts are always 'friends only'. Somehow, she found a lot of images and/or quotes I had posted over the past few months and re-posted them on her new account as her own just last night. I know she's not very tech savvy, so I can only assume she must be in contact with someone on my friends list who can see all my posts. It creeps me out a bit because I only have family members and close friends on my friends list and we never shared any mutual connections.

It's just been a VERY strange past 24 hours for me. If anyone here has any insight or suggestions about how to handle a face-to-face confrontation, it would be greatly appreciated.

I know this may sound kind of silly and obvious, but even if she shows up at your door you don't have to open it when she knocks.

I had these thoughts early on about my ex, and that's exactly what I told myself.  Don't have to open it if I don't want to.

[vbor]

Funny... .I must not be thinking too clearly at the moment.

The thought of not even opening the door (easiest solution) never even crossed my mind. Thank you

[Invictus01]

Yeah, dude, your best bet is just to avoid her not matter what it is. I broke NC a month and a half ago after 3 months of NC with just a 2 text exchange and it still sat me back. It is really weird what they do to your mind. People have compared this to coming off a strong drug. I've never been on drugs, but it really sounds like what I've read about people in drug rehabs.

[jhkbuzz]

Funny... .I must not be thinking too clearly at the moment.

The thought of not even opening the door (easiest solution) never even crossed my mind. Thank you

[mrwigand]

I'm glad you've decided not to respond since you've determined it won't be best for you.

I've recently had that experience of reinitiating contact only for it to end painfully. In my case, I reinitiated contact to discuss her paying me back some money she owed me. We had ended our relationship on fairly good terms, so I contacted her and asked her about money very gently, like it was just something I wanted to get to at some point. We began going back and forth, and it eventually blew up because according to her I was making too much small talk whenever I needed to ask her about the money.

Fair enough, but her reaction later was so black and white and end of the world. She pretty much forced me to meet with her to give me less than 1/3 of the money (said she would have more later - still hasn't paid me back), and went on this tirade against me about how I wasn't treating her like a friend... .That I shouldn't pretend to care about her life... .Some other more hurtful things. I told I was sorry I hurt her with the way I handled things, and I wouldn't do that in the future. I tried to communicate with her further to discuss the money situation more upfront like she wanted, and it continued to devolve. I contacted her about the money the week after on the day she was supposed to be back a little and she told me she would pay me the next week. Then she asked me if I unfriended her from facebook, which I had. Then an hour later she texted me that she would have to postpone paying me back the money because her iphone screen had smashed and would have to be replaced. Let me repeat... .She texted me that. So obviously I'm not sure how truthful she was being.

By that point, I just wanted to be done with it, so I emailed her to get me the money when she could and good luck with her life. I fully expect her not to pay me back, but I can live with that.

[Lucky Jim]

Hope you didn't accept her FB Friend Request!   

Go with your gut instincts.  Looks like a booby trap to me.

LJ

[Loosestrife]

Hope you didn't accept her FB Friend Request!   

Go with your gut instincts.  Looks like a booby trap to me.

LJ

I agree, delete and pretend your out if she comes round (I did this once, but it was more out of fear than anything else). There will be more contact attempts so keep the armour on 

[apollotech]

"I know this may sound kind of silly and obvious, but even if she shows up at your door you don't have to open it when she knocks."

Or you could greet her at the opened door and politely tell her that you have noting to say and ask her to leave. It is your home; you do have a right to be comfortable there.

[jhkbuzz]

"I know this may sound kind of silly and obvious, but even if she shows up at your door you don't have to open it when she knocks."

Or you could greet her at the opened door and politely tell her that you have noting to say and ask her to leave. It is your home; you do have a right to be comfortable there.

Whatever you decide, be sure to assess your own mental state and act according to what is best for YOU!

There were times that, if my ex would have knocked on my front door, I wouldn't have answered. There's no shame in that; a very good friend once told me that "Sometimes you just have to know when to run!"  Self-protection is paramount; if not answering the door keeps you emotionally safe and out of the chaos, all else be damned and don't answer the door!

But if my ex knocked on my door today I would answer it - I'm 8 months out and feeling much healthier and stronger. I am able to keep myself emotionally safe and I am not freaked out at the thought of seeing her.

But I wouldn't invite her in.  

Today it's all about my boundaries and what I feel comfortable with. I don't give a damn about what anyone thinks about my decisions; they're my choices to make.

[Infared]

I think that the most important thing you stated in your opening comment is: "I also realize that this message is probably a trap".

Yes... .I is most definitely a trap.

Yes... .you can choose to take all your power back and not answer the door if she comes knocking. Not hiding. Just firm in your commitment to yourself to love you. Straight up.

Mine has attempted orchestrated ambushes on me in parking lots and in stores. I have none of it. I put my head down, speed up and walk right around her if necessary. After the way I was treated, that is the only way I can behave and still be loving me.

Vbor... .you sound good... .hang tight... .we got your back.

It does not matter if it's her illness or her ego, the outcome I the same.  She is just running her sick little games on you.

I know it hurts, but it hurt's a LOT less if you do not engage. What we miss is our fantasy, nothing more.

[apollotech]

"Whatever you decide, be sure to assess your own mental state and act according to what is best for YOU!"

This ^^^^!

[vbor]

I still have not responded to her (and will not btw), but now things are progressing in "textbook" fashion it would seem.

In the 2-1/2 years with my ex she never once raged against me. Her friends? Her parents? Yes, most definitely. She raged against them pretty hard every now and then over the most trivial of things. I didn't know what "that" was at the time.

During my almost three months of No Contact I stayed away from her Facebook. That was very hard for me, but I committed to it because I knew it wasn't helping me to heal myself. Since she contacted me last week through FB and sent me a friend request, I've kept an eye on her FB just to have some idea of what might be coming next. All her posts are public. For the past 3 days, each one of her posts/ quotes/ images has been directed towards me (my name was actually mentioned in a few). They are all in the vein of "These are the difficult times couples go through, but I know we will be together forever." "Why do you keep hurting me?" "How could you do this to me?" "I forgive you."

Here is just one example of a direct quote of where my name was mentioned... .

"I've decided that my life is more important than your ego. My self worth is more important than your hurtful words. My smile is more important than your controlling ways. My love is more important than you taking it all away. My passion and zest for life is more important than you telling me you loved me and then hurt me with your actions of ignorance and loss. I am saddened to know that I have to let go of what we had, but I know if it was meant to be it would have happened. God has some incredible plan for me and I just need to be patient. I need to be strong and work on my self before I can be ready to love and give my heart away again. Thank you for showing me what I don't need in my life and what I do not deserve. You have clearly opened my eyes to what I should not want or need. I want a man who will love me unconditionally and who will protect me. I want a man who will be my best friend and laugh with me until our stomachs hurt. I want someone who will stay up late and gaze up at the stars and just tell me how beautiful I make his life. I know that God has that man for me in his plan. I just will pray for patience that I will be able to wait for God's timing instead of my own."

Now... .this is the Woman who decided, seemingly out of nowhere, that we needed a "break", immediately paints me black and less than one week later sleeps with some random (or not?) guy at a hotel and posts all the details about it on her Facebook page.

And now I'm the BAD guy?

I was shattered those first few weeks and eventually ended up crawling into a Therapist's office for help.

Who does this? I know... .obvious answer. That was rhetorical.

All I know is no matter how hard I try to wrap my head around this thing... .I will never completely understand it and I probably shouldn't even attempt to try to.

I guess this might be the beginning of my very first public smear campaign.

[jhkbuzz]

this is the Woman who decided, seemingly out of nowhere, that we needed a "break", immediately paints me black and less than one week later sleeps with some random (or not?) guy at a hotel and posts all the details about it on her Facebook page.

And now I'm the BAD guy?

I think those ^ instances of delusional thinking were the most difficult parts for me to deal with as well. Not only do the facts not align with reality, but I got painted black to boot. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Are you feeling badly triggered?  I know if I were in your shoes I'd be having a difficult time... .

[4Years5Months]

My ex paraded two different replacements around on Facebook within days of the "relationship" with them starting.  However, she unfriended me and didn't make those posts public.  I learned through mutual friends who saw them.  The fact that your ex did the same with your replacement and is now posting rambling thoughts about you where EVERYONE can see them shows an incredible lack of self control.  I know you have suffered, but man, that isn't a good look for her, is it?

What drove me nuts about my ex is how she could (and still is) in the eyes of Facebook, just move onto the next guy, as if she washed her hands of me and was now happy with my replacement.  I couldn't take it this last time and posted on MY Facebook (my friends only, many of them mutual friends of hers) exactly what I had been through for five years.  They were astonished, because she does such a good job of appearing in control. 

Your ex looking so out of control should give you confidence that you have dodged a major bullet, especially if she's willing to let the whole world see her madness.

[vbor]

this is the Woman who decided, seemingly out of nowhere, that we needed a "break", immediately paints me black and less than one week later sleeps with some random (or not?) guy at a hotel and posts all the details about it on her Facebook page.

And now I'm the BAD guy?

I think those ^ instances of delusional thinking were the most difficult parts for me to deal with as well. Not only do the facts not align with reality, but I got painted black to boot. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Are you feeling badly triggered?  I know if I were in your shoes I'd be having a difficult time... .

Not really triggered. I've learned a lot in the past few months and that's helped. I know I have grown stronger.

I'm just frustrated and angry about all this. It really isn't fair that this has to work on their timetables and their schedules and not our own.

I guess it all boils down to whether or not I let these new events affect me (they obviously already are to some degree).

More accurately, I should say... .how much will I let them affect me?

[apollotech]

"I guess it all boils down to whether or not I let these new events affect me (they obviously already are to some degree).

More accurately, I should say... .how much will I let them affect me?"

Vdor,

Now you're on the right track my friend. It is not her; it is you that must change. Let her live in Crazyville, but you don't have to visit. The power is in YOU making said choice, to visit or not to visit (to open the door or not open the door). Change yourself so that her action(s) do not dictate your response(s). When you are in control of yourself, regardless of her behavior/antics, you have the power. That power is called indifference. Take care of yourself in whatever you do.