BPD sulking

[Supertrouper]

I am feeling emotionally drained because of my son. Partner says he is concerned but has still stayed away, so no leaning on him, i know he cant cope with that. I know i do need to keep contact with him but it is hard as his distance is making me feel a bit worse, im sure he knows that. I will be ok in s couple of days.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Supertrouper]

I texted him to say hi as he wasnt going to text me and we had a good chat, then he said his friend was there and if i wanted to chat to text him before i went to bed.

So i texted him before i went to bed, saying i was going to bed soon. Did i get support, NO. I got twistedness about what he had actually said. He said he had said to text him a while before i was going to bed, but i did.

I gather he just didnt want to talk. He said i didnt listen to what he said properly, he had to look after himself, obviously because ive got to look out for my son. He said he would be supportive but when you are met with such negativeness, it is difficult to ask. Even when i said i HAD called before i was just going to bed, i still got nothing. He just said ‘im in the s&@t again’, i just said no.

I then just needed to leave the conversation, so i just said yes id heard wrong and said goodnight.

I need help in navigating this. He is distant and just seems to be pushing me away more. Even though he says he wants to be supportive, its not really there, and although i can deal with the lack of support as i can get it from elsewhere, thats fine  BUT the fact that i need a minute support from him and i reach out and get it twisted that i didnt ask for the right kind of support in a way seems to me manipulative, that he didnt want to deal with my stuff, because he is doing other things.

I get he cant deal with my emotions,  but to twist his offer of support , when he offered it, just seems off to me. I wont take it personally, im just not sure where to go from here.

[Supertrouper]

Well texted him yesterday and he called back but i could tell he didnt want to talk so he said we will talk later.

Today i said shall we meet up this afternoon and he said yes. I said i would be finished about 1.30 and i would get the bus yo him. At 13.32 he called but i was driving so couldnt answer.  At 13.37 i called back and he said i was going to come and get you but you didnt answer so im already in the pub. FIVE minutes, FIVE minutes in time. It takes longer than five minutes for him to walk to where he was going, so obviously he was already in there. Fair enough he would have walked back and got his car but because i didnt answer straight away, he is going to punish me for it. I was going to get the bus anyway, so it didnt bother me. I just know i am going to get a 2 year old to talk to or be sulked at.

[once removed]

hi Supertrouper,

can you read this, and tell us which stage your relationship is in: https://bpdfamily.com/content/your-relationship-breaking-down

[Supertrouper]

Hi, stage 1. Stage 2, says i feel contempt towards him but i dont, sometimes his behaviour infuriates me and i wanna talk and sort things out but he avoids, so we never or should i say, i never get to have my say.

Yesterday, i met up with him and gave him a hug and we had a good time overall and he came back to mine. I did ask him why he had been distant and he said because i had been a &£), (horrible word), when i asked how i had been that horrible word, he couldnt say, so im none the wiser. This is the point we get too, all the time and then cycle again.

[once removed]

what stage do you think he would say things are in?

Yesterday, i met up with him and gave him a hug and we had a good time overall and he came back to mine. I did ask him why he had been distant

theres no better way to kill a good time than to bring up the bad times in the middle/end of it. build on the good times.

[Supertrouper]

Difficult to say, he wavers between 2-4, but mostly stage 2 the majotity of the time .

[Supertrouper]

Well, he came over yesterday as he is back away to work tomorrow and he was in a ‘controlling mood’, i cant describe it any other way.

I asked if i could give him a hug and he said no. He started going on about how i bring up my son and how i should do this and that. My youngest son is difficult but we will get there. He just says that he would do it differently. Needless to say he doesnt really like my son. My partner does not have any children so does not have a clue or experience about bringing them up.

So my son obviously upset him and he didnt agree with how i was handling the situation with him, so i got thr brunt of it. He was standoffish all night. We went to bed and i said would he like a hug and again he said no. This time he said that if i compromised 50% mentally towards him then he would compromise 50% physically yowards me, ie if you do this i will do that. I asked him did he mean about the present and he said all the time. Basically he wants yo conttol my thoughts, and behaviour, obviously be listened to, but ultimately to change my way of thinking to his, then i will get ‘rewarded’. Im sorry i didnt respond. I will keep it calm till he leaves.