I will try lavender and bath oils... . Im a guy and I dont care! As long as my brain has a chance to rest.
I am taking Valerian root (can be found at any pharmacy or vitamin store), and it helps a lot. The fact that you are a guy doesn't matter. You were hurt, dude. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing well. Social conditioning made our lives as men miserable by always expecting us to "man up." Sometimes you just gotta say "screw it, I'm a human being. I allow myself to feel hurt. It means I am a healthy person. I grieve, introspect, resolve and move on." Manning up all the time leaves more wounds open than anything else... .
Getting to this point where being with her sounds terrible seems like an accomplishment in itself...
You surely are making some progress! You have to take care of yourself first before being able to take care of others.
Also realized yesterday after 4 hours talking with my cousin that being "abandoned" by my mom at 13 and having my Grandmother continuously talk about it has been keeping me as a 13 year old Boy... . Realizing I stayed with my ex because I was trying to wins my moms love was a HUGE revelation... .
I am sorry you were hurt by being abandoned. But, on the bright side, you were strong enough not to develop something like BPD despite being deeply hurt. That, my friend, is your true accomplishment!
I'm kind, self sufficient, loving, caring, smart... . and honestly at 35 years old this relationship saved my life... .
My words - verbatim! Repeat this to yourself every night you wake up. I am pretty sure you will fall asleep soon after.
Its taken a LOT of work to get here but Ive never felt better, and Ive NEVER slept worse.
Thanks for reading my ramblings
The good news is that you clearly didn't lose your witty sense of humor! :-) Take it easy, dude, and sleep well - bad stuff is over!