What happened/Will he come back

[papayagirl]

I have been seeing a guy for about a month who sounds textbook BPD, and has recently been diagnosed as it. In the beginning, he was super into me, wanted to commit to me in the first week, and then after that pushed me away multiple times. He would end it for various reasons, the most common being that he couldn't do it, but then always come back wanting to try again. He recently did this again, and the last time I was at his house he told me he felt like he was in love with me, that I was the first person he cared about in a long time.He also said he has days where he goes from feeling in love with me to feeling nothing at all.He also stated that "I was very close to being important enough that I could potentially hurt him". I ended up saying I felt like he could be in love with him too. He said he didn't want to hurt me He then vanished. I kept trying to get him to talk, and he kept ignoring me. I ended up leaving a voicemail with my thoughts letting him know how badly he hurt me by ignoring me. He finally answered me with a text saying he wanted to be alone and only responsible for his emotions.
Why did he disappear after saying he felt like he loved me and me reciprocating that? Why did he ignore me? Is it easy for him to ignore me or hard for him too? Is he going to come back?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[patientandclear]

Sounds like he told you himself--you were getting close to being important enough that you, or events with you, could hurt him. Some people wBPD don't have that kind of clarity about why their feelings change. Either way, if someone lacks skills to safeguard their own well being when intimate/very close to another person, the closeness can start to feel oppressive or distasteful.

There's a very helpful article on this site, "Why We Struggle In Our Relationships," that explains this phenomenon very effectively.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi papayagirl ,

I'm sorry to hear that things have been on and off with your partner. One of the key characteristics of a BPD relationship is the "I hate you. Don't leave me" nature. When things start to feel too close the person with BPD tends to push the loved one away. When they feel like the non-BPD partner is pulling away from them, they try to stop the rejection. In some relationships this shows up as the pwBPD just disappearing.

Since you are relatively new in a relationship, you might want to check out our workshop on how a BPD relationship evolves. You can find the link below:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves