17.5 year old diagnised with BPD

[SM1635]

My 17.5 year old step daughter has been diagnosed with BPD. We were given this diagnosis when she was 13, along with Bi-Polar, however a recent evaluation while she was in juvenile detention felt that the bi-polar dx should be ruled out. Since we have known all along the BPD symptoms were the most prominent, we are moving forward with this knowledge.

I'm wondering, for those who have teens with a diagnosis or symptoms, how much information do you give them? I know it's not unusual, but she is convinced there is nothing wrong with her and any effort to talk about her conditions leads to severe conflict. She has been in residential treatment off and on for almost two years, but just came back home yesterday after getting kicked out of the facility and spending a few weeks in detention for violating her probation. It's scary stuff, trying to transition her back into our home after our family life has settled down into a peaceful routine. Our other children are 19yo girl (headed to college in the fall) and 8 and 9 year old boys.

Glad to have found this forum and hopefully some support.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mothrof3+2+2]

I dont know the answer to your questions but I feel your struggle.  I have a son who has been in residential treatment for about 3 years and is getting out in two weeks.  He still does not believe there is anything wrong with him and we are all mean and crazy.  Luckily he will be living with my sister and her husband because they do not have children and he is not safe around my other children.  We have not told him about his diagnosis yet because the therapist just think it will make his anxiety worse.  I think straight up is the best approach but they are not even willing to make it an official diagnosis because he is not 18.  My 15 year old daughter who is living at home was recently diagnosed with BPD but they will not put it on her chart until she is 18 and still meets the criteria.  She seems to be doing better in little ways since she got the diagnosis because at least she understands why she has such strong emotions. I feel for you.  It will be hard to have your daughter back at home again.  I am fearing all the interaction i will have with my son and he wont even be in our home but I will do a lot of supporting my sister.  It is exhausting trying to keep the other members of the family for suffering too many negative effects and still taking care of myself in some small way.  My heart goes out to you

[SM1635]

Thanks. It’s really nice to know other people are going through similar things. For years we have felt so alone, and so judged. Especially because in public she comes across so differently.

Glad you have someone who your son can stay with. Thankfully she has not been a physical threat to my younger children, as she has to her Dad, sister and I. She is verbally abusive to everyone. Right now she is home and we’re in kind of a honey moon phase and all just trying to do the best we can to get along with her, while establishing the rules and boundaries we need to have.

[bluek9]

   Welcome SM1635,

                  As with so many of us here, you have your hands full. Thankfully you are also here   this is a great place to find education, support, encouragement and share with others who understand. My daughter is grown but still lives with me and I'm raising my grandson. I have survived the teenage years, so I can tell you it is possible 
                  I can only imagine how overwhelming this time must be for you right now. Having other children at home really throws a whole new light on things. Just know that you are no longer alone and there will be no judgment here, we all get it! What kind of things are you doing to set boundaries? That can be so hard at first. Let us know how you're doing so we can know how to support you.