Hi everyone, I wanted to note that I have made it a full 7 days of NC. I last talked to my ex a week ago over text messaging after a bad argument at her house about her new love she left me for. I do feel sadness because I don't have her with me any longer but I also am starting to feel a sense of empowerment with the fact that I have been able to go this long with NC. We were together for 6 years and this is probably the longest we have ever gone without talking. It bothers me most I think that I know that she isn't even thinking of or missing me because she is with her new boyfriend. I am a woman so she completely flipped and changed what sex she wanted to be with after 6 years! I just don't understand how someone can just leave one after 6 years and not even think twice about it while I am at home crying and upset over losing her. I guess I just want to hear that it's going to be ok and continuing NC is what is best for me. I do know this!
Kellyo, you have embraced this part of your journey with great self-awareness and recognition of its challenge. It is hard, no doubt about it. It requires attention, effort, stillness, and self-compassion.
Congratulations on 7 days.
Some thoughts:
1. We can never really know what our ex-partners may or may not experience. Our minds taunt us with projections, where we assign happiness to the ex-partner and unhappiness to us. I am learning that it's helpful to turn everything back to our own emotional states. And I mean everything. Thus, if I think "she's happy" then I stop myself and ask, "how am I feeling?" I am trying to "hold" all feelings -- especially bad ones because it helps me go THROUGH rather than repressing or indulging. (Note: If we imagine emotions as waves, and big emotions as TIDAL waves, we can either run and risk being tossed, or we can stand and dive "through" the emotion to emerge on the other side).
2. No Contact is merely "space" for us. It's not intended as a jail cell. I note this only because I felt like I was lashed to a mast for a long time re: NC. I started to reframe my thinking on NC and it opened me up.
