And I think this must be said: attorney #1 was female, attorney #2 was male, and the second one seemed FAR more tuned in to the struggle of a single dad trying to do the best he could for his kids. I'd like to say gender has nothing to do with it... .but I think the reality is that it does.
My first attorney was a youngish man, who made a very good impression - obviously smart, very professional, seemed to know what he was doing.
In fact he had lied to me - said he had experience with BPD and it became obvious he didn't - and he was completely unresponsive, unprepared, and unhelpful. He made it clear he didn't believe everything I told him. I waited too long to fire him.
My second attorney - I shopped around for someone who had experience with a BPDish opposing party and found a woman who was very no-nonsense and accepted what I told her as true. As soon as she took the case, things got better.
Just for discussion, here are some criteria I would suggest, if you can find an attorney who meets them all:
* Experience with BPD - able to tell you "war stories" showing what he or she has learned in dealing with BPDish opposing parties.
* Buys into your objectives (though no attorney will give you guarantees).
* Answers your questions clearly - doesn't make you feel dumb for asking them.
* Responds in a timely way - if you leave a message you should get a call or e-mail back the same day or early the next day.
* Explains how the process works where you live - what options you have, how long things take, etc.
* Gives you a clear plan to achieve your goals.
If you can find somebody like that - and someone you just feel good about - you've got a winner.
Of those six criteria, my first attorney - though he was smart and polished - met none of them and got horrible results.
My second attorney more-or-less met them all and got much better results.