Well, they sure seem to be perfect for each other

[imstronghere2]

That would be my exwBPD and the man she had her affair with who she married within one year of our divorce.  He's happy and she appears to be happy.  I was married to her for 19 years and with her for 22 and I can honestly say that this guy is pretty much what she wanted all along.  He calls her his wife and best friend.  He posts on FB how much he loves her.  His family and friends seem to be happy for them.

Now for the rub.  I don't think anyone in their circle knows the truth.  That she was married and had a family, home, pets and a loving devoted husband when they decided to get it on.  That she abandoned her children, husband, home and pets because of him.  That she spent a week in the psych ward not long after she left us.  That she never bonded with her own biological children.  That her daughter is scarred for life from the things she has said and done.  That she only visits with her son about once a month for 30-40 minutes and never bothers to try to see him at holidays.  And I could go on, and on, and on.

I'm not sure the point I'm even trying to make just that it seems all so insane.  I struggle to keep things afloat here on my own now, helping my daughter get through college and raising my 13 year old son on my own.  I don't have any family so it's just me.  She left us with 8 cats and her dog and honestly, I don't have the heart to get rid of them and besides, they're all my son has for family when I'm not in the house. 

I know I'm supposed to be all "happy happy joy joy" that she's gone and I am grateful for the peace we have now but it's just so damn hard.  In August it will be 2 years since she left.  I keep on pushing forward because that's what I have to do.  I'll give my kids everything I can and be the support that they need because I wouldn't consider doing anything less.  I try to do things that make me happy and work hard to become better at the interests that I have but at the end of every day, I'm exhausted.  Then I get up and do it all over again.  No happy face picture of me posted on FB.  Wouldn't seem right.

[Tordesillas]

That's how you know you're a generally well adjusted and healthy human being.  I mean, we all have our issues of course.  But the reason you suffer and feel and mourn and all the rest is because you're NOT like her. 

It is very human to suffer and mourn the loss of something even though we know it was ultimately not right for us.  And it is also very human and humble to not hide the reality of this.  That is all part of the healthy process of being human in these circumstances. 

The exes... . they put up the front... . they look happy on FB... . they show the world the big smile.  But we know... . and maybe we're the only ones that know.  But what we know is the truth.  And the truth is that they're unhealthy, not dealing with their real issues and repeating patterns that bring them no real peace. 

[Clearmind]

imstronghere2, what a wonderful Dad and those kids are so lucky to have you. So many men are alienated from a BPD mother.

Have you sought legal advice regarding the kids?

It will take time my friend - I promise it does get better.

[imstronghere2]

Have you sought legal advice regarding the kids?

It will take time my friend - I promise it does get better.

I have sole custody of our son and it was uncontested in the divorce.  Hell, she never even bothered to read the Agreed Parenting Plan or the Separation Agreement.  She couldn't care less.

I know time heals all wounds and I am mostly healed.  I just can't understand how they can be happy knowing what they've done.  I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror if I knew I helped break up a marriage and a family or destroy the relationship of a mother and her daughter.  How do these people live with themselves?

[Clearmind]

Life is not always fair and she is playing out the only script she knows. He on the other hand was like you once - besotted and in love.

Its a cycle and yet another is playing out. Its a shame that kiddos are involved however I am sure they are loved and cared for.

Are the kids seeking therapy?

[imstronghere2]

Life is not always fair and she is playing out the only script she knows. He on the other hand was like you once - besotted and in love.

Its a cycle and yet another is playing out. Its a shame that kiddos are involved however I am sure they are loved and cared for.

Are the kids seeking therapy?

The major difference between that SOB and me is that I didn't have an affair with her.  She was already separated from her first husband and living with friends of mine, which is how I met her.  He's also over the top NPD and very controlling.  I'm neither.

The question on if the kids are seeking therapy or not is asked of me a lot.  The answer is no.  When their mother moved out, they never shed a tear.  They've never missed her.  She was never really involved in their lives and never bonded.  I was the active parent and always did the things a parent does but did it alone.  She never participated, not even so much as to take the dog for a walk down the street.  My son never misses her.  The times my daughter misses her is when she has a teenage girl kind of question and would like to bounce it off a mother figure but not exactly her own mother.  She just wishes she had a mother but it passes.  She's a very strong and independent girl.  She may need to seek out therapy some day and I have offered it to her but she'll do it in her own time.