dBPDbf is recommended "internal" treatment for 6 months :(

[ziniztar]

I really don't know what I'm searching for with this thread, but I need some understanding from people who know what I'm going through.

Me dBPDbf mentioned to me yesterday that his therapist asked him to think about having internal treatment for six months. It would mean he'd give up his work and house (which are extremely valuable to him) so he won't.

At first I was able to handle it in an okay way, but in the end of the night I got really upset and started crying - which he now feels guilty of of course. I think it would be good for him to go there and I'd support him all the way through, but I know he won't do it. That means he's a lot worse of than I thought he was, and not getting enough treatment to move forward. Or could it be that his T is testing if he will say "No I want to do this on my own"?

I feel really helpless, I thought things were going quite okay and I was starting to understand him a little bit, which gave me some peace of mind. He's comorbid ADHD and has decided to start medicin, that might help him calm down a little bit .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[lemon flower]

Or could it be that his T is testing if he will say "No I want to do this on my own"?

I don't think so, that wouldn't be a very wise therapeutic action isn't it ?

do you have contact with his T yourself ? could you ask him more explanation about it ?

if your BPD manages to keep his job, his house and his relationship with you than this sounds very drastic in my ears, I could only dream that my bP-friend got this far... .

[MissyM]

Yes, my dBPDh has been recommended to go to inpatient treatment.  He is not willing to do it.  Outpatient takes a long, long time to work.  I am sad about this, too but can't make him go.  This has to be a choice they make themselves.

[an0ught]

Hi ziniztar,

I doubt the T is so clear about what impact his suggestion would have on him. That may well be the reason he did not strongly recommend it but suggested it as an option to consider. It may well be an offer to support him in that direction and shows the T is taking his situation seriously. Of course getting such a suggestion is for anyone a shock (hint for validation).

Giving up home and job could be quite destabilizing and while removal from the environment may lower the symptoms getting back would be an uphill struggle requiring him in top shape. It certainly is a significant risk to take and it is understandable that he is not eager to do it.

Rather than taking this as a take it or leave it black and white question I would consider this as an invitation from the T to engage in a discussion on treatment options and other life style changes.

[ziniztar]

An0ught, Thanks for your calming words. I did started to look at it that way and it helped me a lot. And it was right. Today he met up with her again and he has started to consider (and accept) more than 1h of therapy in a week.

I would agree with all of you that it seems quite a harsh recommendation knowing that he can keep a job and household. And I would agree it is destabilizing, he'd have to start over completely. They're gonna look for other options (more therapy but not 6 months internally) and I'm quite happy he's going along with it.

Ps got the hint, thanks, missed that one being completely overwhelmed by my own thoughts and feelings.