PTSD

[murmom]

Any other parent suffer from post traumatic stress disorder?  My therapist says I have a mild form of it.  I know this experience with my daughter has changed me and sometimes I think not for the better!  The horror of witnessing her cutting herself, the physical and verbal abuse at the hands of my own child, the extreme disappointment in some of the things she's done... .sometimes I think I've lost all confidence in myself as a person and a parent.

I am in individual therapy and I think I can work through it - eventually.  My daughter is in long-term hospitalization now and is doing well, but I can't help feeling like the "other shoe is going to drop."  Anyone else work through this in some way?

Murmom

Mom to Dx BPDD age 16

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Dibdob59]

I have been in therapy in the past. My therapist confirmed his belief that I am suffering from PTSD, something that I had never considered.  He said he did not see how I could not be suffering from this, given what I have seen and experienced in the last 38 years (husband and adult son both UBPD).   I am actually more concerned for my adult daughter as she has also witnessed some appalling behaviours and situations, although thankfully nothing like I have experienced. 

Our loved ones with BPD do seem to keep their worst behaviours for those that love them the most ie their wives and mothers etc. 

Am I working through it? I am not sure that is an option. 

To me working through it implies the traumatic event is over, in the past and it is a matter of my coming to terms and dealing with it.  However, to me dealing with a loved one or loved ones with BPD is an ongoing, repetitive, escalating, chaotic, demoralising, gut wrenching ball of fear in the pit of my stomach.  I try not to anticipate the next episode but it is hard not to.  Learning how to change my response is the best I can hope for at present.

[HealingSpirit]

Oh my goodness, Murmom and Dibdob!   

I'm so sorry you both have forms of PTSD!  I can see why though.  Living in fear, watching every move our loved ones make, being the only one to witness their rages and horrible behavior.  It's no wonder!   I personally haven't been told I've got PTSD, but my T did prescribe Xanax for me a couple of years ago because I was dealing with significant anxiety, due to my BPDD17.  I was so worried about my DD and my perceived failure as a parent, I didn't even recognize my own anxiety.  I've had trouble sleeping since she was a baby, but my sleep troubles have gotten worse in her teen years.  Xanax does help, so I'm grateful.

My daughter is in long-term hospitalization now and is doing well, but I can't help feeling like the "other shoe is going to drop."  Anyone else work through this in some way?

Finding this site has helped me work through my feelings of failure as a parent.  I finally let myself off the hook.  I've really done the best I could, and so have you!  It isn't our "bad" parenting, it is our child's BPD illness that is causing the problems.  Now that we know it isn't our "fault," and we've found this site, we can recover and take steps to heal ourselves and help our offspring.

As for the feeling that the other shoe will drop, I think Radical Acceptance is all we can do for that.  For me, it's a delicate balance between loving my DD, accepting her illness, and detaching from her drama long enough for my own mental/emotional well-being.  It's a daily process, and some days are better than others.

Hang in there and keep posting!  We're here for you!




 

[theplotthickens]

I agree that we parents have our own trauma to deal with.  The physical aggression, suicide attempts, character assassinations, and threats take it's toll.  

I have nightmares several nights a week about my daughter attacking me.  Sometimes I have flashbacks.  When I hear her pound a wall or break something, when she starts badgering me, or when she starts yelling at me, sometimes I get panic attacks.  My heart starts racing and I get chest pain.  It is a physical response to all the adrenaline... .I just think my body is overloaded from too much stress hormones year after year.

Our bodies are not meant to cope with chronic anger, chaos, and stress.  I don't have any advice for you, but I have physical problems from all the mental stress.  I have no diagnosis of PTSD since I don't see a therapist; we are too financially stressed from all the treatments and meds for my daughter to afford therapy for me at this point.  

I treat with exercise, prayer, positive thoughts, and accepting that this is my body communicating with me that I need to take breaks, detach from the situation and take care of myself.   I don't think our minds or physical bodies ever gets used to their child attacking us, attempting suicide, etc.  

Yes, I probably have some sort of PTSD thing going on.  You are not alone!

[mama72]

I have felt like I have PTSD. I think parents of children with BPD are always waiting for the next "bomb" to drop and to see what level of destruction there is to recover from.

It may be the worse type of PTSD? Not only do we fear for what will happen to us, most importantly we are fearful of what may happen to the children we love. No parent should have to live in that constant fear.

"One day at a time" is not a cliche, but a true motto.

[Elbry]

I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago unrelated to my DD15 BPD.  I definitely feel the same symptoms though from the things I have gone through with her.  Especially her last overdose when she almost died.  Those hours pacing in the intensive care unit did something to me.  Then there is the hypervigilance, always watching, waiting, being on guard.  It's very much like what someone in an abusive relationship goes through.

[HealingSpirit]

WOW! You're all making me cry. HUGS to all of you!

   

[murmom]

Thank you all for your posts!  Now I don't feel like I am losing my mind.   

I wake up a lot with panic attacks and I haven't even been thinking about anything in particular having to do with my daughter.  Either I am subconsciously re-living something in my dreams or it is just a physical response at times.  I also try and exercise, count my blessing (list 5 things that are good in my life a day), reach out to others, and focus on my spiritual life. 


Murmom

[pessim-optimist]

I think a lot of parents have symptoms of PTSD from all the trauma and also constant low-to-high level of stress.

You are not alone. 

My heart used to start racing and I would have an instant stress response when our phone would ring.

It's better now that we have had some distance, and that we have established some safe boundaries and feel like we can deal with most of the situations. We don't feel controlled by the whims and chaos of BPD, and so are less helpless or hopeless.

We have been blessed, though, that our SD has only talked about not wanting to live, no suicidal plans or attempts. That would make it much, much harder, and I really sympathize with everyone who has had to deal with that - no wonder PTSD is the price... .

[raytamtay3]

Yes! Not only do I get a bit of anxiety now while driving over a bridge after my DD14 grabbed the wheel of my car as I was driving over it with my DS6 in the back seat, I get anxiety even talking to her on the phone! I hate typing that - but it's true. From years of the badgering, physical and verbal assaults (spitting on me and pushing me and cursing and calling me horrible names) I have a lot of anxiety. I feel I've had at least two nervous breakdowns over the past two years. And I feel at times that I need to be committed due to long bouts of depression over everything. I most definetly do have PTSD. I have no doubt even though I'm not clinically diagnosed.

[murmom]

raytamtay3 -

My daughter has grabbed the wheel of my car, too, while driving a few times.  That in and of itself is terrifying!

hugs to all -

Murmom

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MammaMia]

I find it impossible to believe that anyone who loves a pwBPD does not have some form of PTSD, anxiety, or depression.

This disorder consumes and overwhelms us. We are not crazy, but some days when our coping mechanisms fail, it sure feels like reality is slipping away. "Normal" becomes harder and harder to define.

We are fighting a battle to save our loved-ones from themselves, and it is both mentally and physically exhausting.

We need try to focus on staying grounded and protecting ourselves. I, for one, cannot do this alone.  Thank you all for being here.

[Iamafaerie]

I developed PTSD after trying to sort through the nightmare of what was wrong with my family of origin,  a few years before I realised my daughter had BPD.

Before that I had anxiety and depression for a long time. Full blown PTSD involves panic attacks (they truly do feel as though you are about to die), increased 'startle response' which means that any small fright or unexpected touch initiates a response that is severe enough to make you want to vomit with fear. Also  flashbacks, intense nightmares and an inability to tolerate environments like supermarkets as the noise, lights and crowds create an acute sense of terror. I left at least ten supermarket trolleys half-loaded and drove home before I realised what was going on.

PTSD is related to adrenal exhaustion. The adrenaline gland gets out of whack and overstimulated and then no longer knows when to shoot out heaps of adrenaline and when to just sit quietly.

With the study of it and medications you can get better. I have only had one panic attack in the past 3 years and supermarkets no longer bother me at all. I also developed fibromyalgia at the same time and this is now under control most of the time. I use the pain as a signal that I need to take it easy on myself and retreat from outside stressors, then the pain goes after a couple of days.

Best wishes to all who suffer the stress bp brings into daily life.

[PaulaJeanne]

OH YES--my therapist & my psychiatrist both agree I have PTSD! When my dd was across the country at the RTC program she ran away twice. I had some nightmarish experiences that I can't get over. One night she called us at 2am from a phone booth in southern California. She was alone and didn't know where she was in a deserted area! We did a reverse phone  lookup to locate her, and we were able somehow to find a car service that agreed to take our credit card over the phone, pick her up and drive her to Covenant House in Hollywood. Covenant House would have picked her up but it was so late they had no drivers at that point.

The ring tone I had on my phone at the time was a default ring tone for iPhones.  Everytime I hear that ring tone on someone else's phone, I have an anxiety attack.