All future contact needs to be through email

[Gmoney]

Ok so I sent my uBPDxw an email stating all future contact needs to be through email only except for emergencies involving the kids.   So what's next a barrage of calls, texts, etc asking why do I continue to try to hurt her etc etc? 


Also met with my T today after only finding about what my uBPDxw really is a few days ago.  She help me process a lot.  This T was also our marriage consular so I am so lucky to have someone that knows 1st hand who my ex was and is.

I know my ex changed me.  She feed on my insecurities during the idealization stage.  Now I find myself looking for validation for my current GF and others.  I was conditioned to work and put up with everything for the hopes to get that pellet of validation. 

I know now what the next journey of my life is through this mess.  And that is learn to recall be happy with me and not what I think others want me to be.  I need to stop trying to get someone else to validate who I am.  At least my brain knows it. Now to get the heart to follow.  But I know I will get there.  I am starting to remember about the real me.  The person who I was 15 years ago.  And that's a good thing.

[myself]

I am starting to remember about the real me.  The person who I was 15 years ago.

We can't go backwards. The person we used to be, before these relationships with pwBPD, was someone who would get into a relationship with a pwBPD. So the task now is to find out who we are Today. Keep the best of ourselves from the past and add the better newer stuff we're discovering now.

NC/LC will help you move on. Be there for your kids. Be there for yourself.

[Mutt]

 

Hi Gmoney   Welcome aboard 

So what's next a barrage of calls, texts, etc asking why do I continue to try to hurt her etc etc?

Yes. I share a similar experience and I did the exact same thing over a year ago. I sent her an e-mail and told her what my boundaries were - communicate by email only and kids only. Call only for emergencies. Your uBPDxw will throw up FOG. See it for what it is. Fear Obligation Guilt - emotional blackmail.

I know now what the next journey of my life is through this mess.  And that is learn to recall be happy with me and not what I think others want me to be.  I need to stop trying to get someone else to validate who I am.  At least my brain knows it. Now to get the heart to follow.  But I know I will get there.  I am starting to remember about the real me.  The person who I was 15 years ago.  And that's a good thing.

I'm happy to hear you are seeing a T that syncs with you. Have you talked to your T about self validation?

[Gmoney]

I am starting to remember about the real me.  The person who I was 15 years ago.

We can't go backwards. The person we used to be, before these relationships with pwBPD, was someone who would get into a relationship with a pwBPD. So the task now is to find out who we are Today. Keep the best of ourselves from the past and add the better newer stuff we're discovering now.

NC/LC will help you move on. Be there for your kids. Be there for yourself.


Great

Great points.  Be the guy that never needed the validation of another to prove my worth to myself. 

[Gmoney]

Hi Gmoney   Welcome aboard 

So what's next a barrage of calls, texts, etc asking why do I continue to try to hurt her etc etc?

Yes. I share a similar experience and I did the exact same thing over a year ago. I sent her an e-mail and told her what my boundaries were - communicate by email only and kids only. Call only for emergencies. Your uBPDxw will throw up FOG. See it for what it is. Fear Obligation Guilt - emotional blackmail.

I know now what the next journey of my life is through this mess.  And that is learn to recall be happy with me and not what I think others want me to be.  I need to stop trying to get someone else to validate who I am.  At least my brain knows it. Now to get the heart to follow.  But I know I will get there.  I am starting to remember about the real me.  The person who I was 15 years ago.  And that's a good thing.

I'm happy to hear you are seeing a T that syncs with you. Have you talked to your T about self validation?

Yes we start that process on my next session.  I am felling really great today.   I am proud that I have my mind wrapped around what the heck and is happening the last 15 years.   I know now I need to be be the STABLE one for the kids to

Give them a chance with having mental issues. 

[Mutt]

Give them a chance with having mental issues.  

It is a journey. There's more than one path to the top of the mountain. The way I see it is not about mental issues with my kids. It is emotional health - well being. My pain and suffering came from my FOO and it affected me for decades. Not something that I want my kids to feel but it's about breaking a cycle. I give them emotional support and validation - things I did not get in my childhood. Validation - validating our kids is a powerful yet simple tool.

I explored these things while my NC (minimal contact - kids) shields were up. I'm glad your spirits are up!