need some advise

[simplyasiam]

not sure if many if any of you on this board know me. just a short run down of of me and r/s with ex BPD g/f. we lived together six year we have been apart for six months now.

she has made contact with me almost the whole time shes been gone. for weeks has been talking about missing home and knowing what shes lost.

two weeks ago i told her my trem for us having contac. 1 she not be married now 2 not be pregnant 3 wants to rebuild our family 4 willing to get help for BPD

last nite my ex starts liking my pic of our home on f/b today calls her mom to get my cell number and tonite sends me this txt.

if you want to see the kids thats fine with me. im not married or pregnant. im glad you found a women that makes you happy you really deserve that.

i do want to be with her again but dont want to fall into same old breake up make cycle.

im not sure if i should see this as her way of opening the door for us to start over or not... .i mean she dose have BPD so i know shes not going be abel put herself out there to be hurt if i dont want her.

i quess the advise i would like if anyone has any is, where do i start/go from here how do i reply and still protect myself. do just ask how she feels about me/ us and my other two trems?

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[Grey Kitty]

Your requests are pretty sensible, although part 4 (treatment) is a tough one. She may be reluctant. She may fail to find treatment that works for her or decide to leave it for her own reasons (good or bad) months into a program, after coming back.

It sounds like she's met the other three requirements already.

I'm also confused about your situation and what you want. (Pardon me if this was all in older posts; I didn't go looking)

Are you dating anybody else yet? (She said something about that in her txt)

Are they your kids, or hers? Are you still in contact with them? What sort of relationship did you have with the kids when you were together?

What sort of "start over" do you want?

- Being in contact as friends?

- A romantic/sexual r/s?

- Living together?

- Parenting together?

- All of the above?

I've got a few recommendations:

• Don't discuss resuming your r/s with her by text / email. Any discussions like this are best done face to face, with telephone as a second choice.



• Take things slowly; don't jump back together as if nothing had happened.



• Read this from the Lessons here on the Staying Boards Tools: The Do's and Don'ts for a BPD relationship

[simplyasiam]

hello kitty and thank you for your insite.

they are her kids

the kids and i were  very close i had been with them six years. the girl was seven and the boy just over a year old he couldnt walk yet and only new a few words. we treat treated each other like the gifts from god we were to each other.

all of the above on the start over is what im wanting. i just want to take things slow and make sure to put what im learing hear and from my own Tdoc to use and not fall into the same trap!

[simplyasiam]

hello again kitty i got you asked if im dating anyone.

i go out with a few diffrent women, not a big deal really we just hang out have some drinks see a movie or something like that. ive been up front with them about still having contact with my ex. i dont come right and say it but they know im not over her.

i think my ex most having been creeping on my my face book page a seen a pic of me and a lady i see now and then and thats how she came up with the ive found someone that makes me happy  thing.

[Grey Kitty]

One other Q: Have you had prior break-up/make-up cycles with her?

I asked about the dating 'cuz I was thinking that you wouldn't want to get back with your ex if you were involved with somebody new... .or if you did try again you would have to stop dating. It sounds like that would not be giving up a lot for you right now.

Did you read that link from the lessons I sent you about what it takes to be in a successful r/s with a pwBPD?

Do you think you can stay grounded in your self and stay strong while getting back together?

Do you feel ready to be the emotionally healthy partner and do 90% of the "heavy lifting" in this r/s, accepting that she doesn't have the capacity to do it? She will be working as hard at her 10% as you do at your 90%.

 GK

[simplyasiam]

yes we have broken up many times before just never for this long.

yes im ready for all the things you asked about ive done them for years, just never had the kills i leaned here or even had a name for what is wrong with her before last year.

she last txt me at 11 last nite saying... .i know what love is and its you it always was you!

i messaged her a few times asking how she doing today and no answer, thats strange cus she always answers