I care... but not all that much.

[Rockylove]

To those of you who have been so supportive of me, I'll say it right now... .  thank you.  I appreciate all the uplifting and encouragement.  I'm apathetic toward the relationship.  I love him unconditionally, but I don't really care one way or the other if it works out at this point.  I want it to, but I'm not going to go out of my way to make it happen.  I can love him from a distance.  I know that's not what he wants and he's making his moves to get me to feel sorry for him and go back.  I'm not going right now.  I told him that I'd be there for him, but I've things to do for my new job which he wanted me to get.  Sorry you're having heart problems but I'm out of town... .  I've offered to come home and you refused it.  Call an ambulance and if you have the strength, call and let me know you're dying.  Love you, babe.  I say this with tongue in cheek because I know it is just a ploy to get me back again.  Sorry love, but you'll have to buck up and take it like a grown up now... .  because that's what you wanted.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[arabella]

You should have titled this ":)etaching with Love: A Success Story" 

[LetItBe]

Glad to hear you're doing so well, RL!

Yes, there can come a time when we've given everything we have, we don't rescue them or the r/s, and we see what happens.

Good luck with your new job, by the way.   

[waverider]

I so got to this position a while back.

I think you have to get to this point before you can clear your mind to move onto effective acceptance. Accept him, and accept how it affects you. Make more subjective decisions reducing stress and resentment.

You may get closer from this point or you may draw apart, but it will be your choice. Dramas will become less important. Stuff happens, and you will accept that, you wont try changing or over influencing them, only dealing with your side of the fence.

[123Phoebe]

Hey Rocky,

This is a really good mental space to be in, a necessary one

It was in this space, that you are in now, that I was truly able to finally separate my stuff from his stuff.  It happened with my mom, too.  A poster years ago wrote something to me about 'sharing a brain with my mom'; it was like a bolt of lightning, wow, that was exactly how it felt.  I was in her brain and it was not pretty.  It was how I operated though and I did it with my friend, too.  Healthy detachment is the way to go   Accepting our relationships as is~ their stuff/our stuff and figuring out what we have together that IS healthy.  Then having the wherewithal to implement change according to our true values, no matter what the other person chooses to do.

As difficult as some of the setbacks feel in the moment, they really force us to live life in a more conscious state of awareness... .    When we can turn that focus all the way back around onto ourselves and feel good about who we are and how we got to this space. 

Sounds like you've arrived, Rocky!  Radical Acceptance still gives me goose bumps, in a good way

[Rockylove]

Thank you all so much.  I've made it clear that we needed to discuss the things that have been plaguing our relationship... .  mostly money and his crazy projecting his feelings of inadequacy in being able to take care of himself onto me. 

After many many angry texts blaming me for everything under the sun and my cool, very frank and well thought out responses, he wrote me an apology!  REALLY!  I said that he was sorry that he was projecting his anger at himself onto me!  I thought I'd drop over... .  I giggled and cried!  Of course my son was there cheering~~he said "I think things are looking brighter, mom"

I'm in no way giving in to anything on this.  I still will be staying at my son's while I'm in training because it's practical, but I've a different sort of hope now.  We've spent the day talking about finances and how to deal with them

[Grey Kitty]

  Sounds like you have made some huge changes in yourself, RL... .  

... .  and your bf is (eventually) responding/reacting well to them!

Great news!

[waverider]

Stay strong and objective in your actions, as you know these insightful moments can come and go. You need to be consistent

[Rockylove]

Stay strong and objective in your actions, as you know these insightful moments can come and go. You need to be consistent

I certainly have seen the insightful moments come and go, waverider!  I know that I need to stay on top of my game and I know I'll not always be 100% 100% of the time!  I've got 3 more weeks of training in other stores before starting at my own store.  I'm using this time for gaining strength, reading and listening to the sessions in the Self Acceptance Project. 

I'm not going to get caught up in his drama by JADEing.  Our communication is good at the moment and I'm taking this time to put in writing what I will and will not accept and what I will and will not do in the relationship and I'm encouraging him to do the same.  It will either work out or not and I'm going to be fine regardless.