Detached But...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I still miss her. I still dream about her. I'm moving on and I'm back to myself, but I miss her. Idk what the future brings but I've thought of everything I would say and do if she comes back. I've prepared myself so I'm protected. I'm back to myself, but yeah I still miss her. 2 months out now.

[Willis002]

I still miss her. I still dream about her. I'm moving on and I'm back to myself, but I miss her. Idk what the future brings but I've thought of everything I would say and do if she comes back. I've prepared myself so I'm protected. I'm back to myself, but yeah I still miss her. 2 months out now.

[fromheeltoheal]

So if you still miss her and dream about her, do you consider that detached Willis?  The first step for most of us is physical detachment, remove ourselves from the relationship and stop communicating with our ex, and the next, and most important step, is emotional detachment, for each of us to define, and usually includes the memories of our ex and the relationship, which get more distant with time, and when we do remember something there's no emotion tied to it, it's just a benign memory.  There's no hurry, it takes what it takes, and where do you think you are in the stages of detachment over there? ----------->

[Willis002]

I saw I'm processing. I guess you're right! I think I can say that the pain has gone away and I know in my heart what I want. I'm 2 months out and believe I know what I want. I can think clearly now and I'm having the battle between my brain and my heart. I've talk to one of my girl friends and she told me I shouldn't date anyone until I don't have love for my ex. I think she's right because say my ex does come back and I'm dating, I don't want to hurt that person because right now I can see what I would do and what would happen. I have to remain single for myself, but unfortunately this leaves me open for my ex to return.

[fromheeltoheal]

I have to remain single for myself, but unfortunately this leaves me open for my ex to return.

And notice that you're still giving her a lot of power, like if she showed up she could have you no question.  As you detach further, a big part of which is taking your power back, then you can make rational decisions about what's best for you whether she shows up or not.

I can think clearly now and I'm having the battle between my brain and my heart.

It sounds like the fog has cleared, which is a good thing Willis, now you can soberly look at the relationship, your behavior in it, and your beliefs about her, you and the relationship when you were in it.  A very positive time full of potential growth, and that conflict you have between your head and your heart is common; you didn't ask for any advice, but to offer some, follow your head for now, it knows what's right, and as you detach eventually your heart will catch up.  Take care of you!

[Willis002]

Thank you! I will take that advice to heart! I strongly believe she will pop back up in the near future and will use sex to get me back. She would use any means to get me back in a relationship with her. I'm going to use my head and proceed to grow. If and when she shows up is when I'll have to make the decision for myself.

[Willis002]

Btw I know my ex is a quiet borderline. She pushed me away before I could leave her. I believe it was an engulfment issue. She doesn't have many friends. I know she is hooking up with her guy friend right now. When that wears out I'm certain my number will up and decisions will have to be made. In my opinion she just grabbed the closest warm body to replace me. He's definitely a down grade from me. The fact it was someone out of her limited friend base is telling. I better get my popcorn ready because I believe the first party of the year is going to have fireworks.