i dont understand where i am now

[docdoc]

I knew a woman from 4 month , first month was nice. she was like the exact me in everything i like and ideas .. she had some weird way of talking like , like dictating me who she is and how she likes to be talked to , but i was ok , she was beautful , goes out with me everywhere , etc ..

after the first month , she still does all the things we do before but with a loss of glow in her eyes , its like as if she goes out and does everything with me as before , but she is empty inside . then anger bursts started to happen which would resolve the same day or the next day as if it never happened.

the last month it came to my attention that there was a friend that keeps on texting her , i asked her about it and she says it was an old friend and nothing more ..
we went to a trip to europe and we had one of this anger bursts which was resolved the same day , then when we came back , it is as if she lost all energy towards me , she tells me lets be friends and lets stop all what we are doing that brings emotions. , i went home to her's one day and i could see that guy from the curtains and they were hugging.

we stopped talking a day after simultaneously and she logged out of all our common streaming apps and google tv , etc

!
What happened.. !

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi docdoc, welcome to the group.

Sounds like you've been through a lot in your 4 month relationship -- it started out "so good" and ended so poorly, so quickly.

It makes so much sense, given the whirlwind pace of your relationship, that you'd be asking

What happened.. !

Have you seen our article on "Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality" yet? You can check it out here:

Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality

The other resource I thought of when I read your post was our workshop on the phases of a relationship, especially a relationship where one partner may have BPD. It's called "The Difference Between A "Honeymoon Phase" and "Idealization"?" and you can check it out here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=285168.0

Let us know what you think about those resources in view of your question -- what is happening??

and keep us posted on how you're doing.

-kells76

[docdoc]

Is it really over. Was i devalued that fast?  Is she coming back ! I really miss her.

[docdoc]

I am trying to move on , it is better i think but every night i get into a loop of thinking about what happened and why it happened. ? sometimes i cant sleep

[kells76]

docdoc, what you describe makes a lot of sense based on what you have been through and the relationship ending:

the "loop of thinking" (rumination), the lack of sleep, the way sometimes during the day things seem ok, but then at night the questions begin again.

Missing her, hoping she's coming back, trying to move on, circling back... this is normal stuff to be going through right now. That doesn't make it easier or less painful, though.

I'm curious if you've checked out our workshop on the pain of a broken heart:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136432.0

and I'd be interested to hear if any of the experiences members post about there seem relatable to you. Just hoping you know you're not alone in these feelings.