Grief and/or depression

[Tincanmike]

Hello again to all. I upgraded today from a mental health therapist to a Psychologist.  Therapists help, but I needed a more in-depth evaluation of what the heck is going on with me, post-borderline relationship.  In the span of an hour I learned a lot and took one important thing home with me. The following article/link describes it well.  It seems we are all missing/grieving the good (not negative) things from our relationships.  And it also seems we are all pretty damn depressed. Knowing the difference might help. It helped me. Comments welcome!

www.psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/02/23/the-two-worlds-of-grief-and-depression/

[santa]

I think exhaustion is a factor too. At the end of my relationship, I was just mentally spent. I think when the relationship just beats you down, when it's finally over, the emotions of a break up on top of everything else that you've had to deal with in the relationship just puts you at kind of a twilight zone for awhile.

Mine is wearing off, but it's taken awhile.

[bpdspell]

Tinacan,

One valuable thing I learned from my therapist is that when you're "hysterical it's historical." A lot of the grief and depression we experience after the breakup are improperly healed scabs that were already in place that are ripped off by our BPD exs.

Yes we are grieving the mirroring and idealization that we got from them as well but also our triggered hurts that live in our deepest most wounded vulnerable places are also exposed like an open nerve of a toothache.

My Childhood abuse, neglect and grief we skillfully repressed; or so I thought until my BPD ex was able to penetrate my tightly guarded emotional walls. When my ex abandoned me I wanted to die because he did to me exactly what my mother and father did: detach without care or concern.

Spell

[State85]

Reading this it is funny how so many non's are in therapy... but those pwBPD are probably not!

[santa]

Reading this it is funny how so many non's are in therapy... but those pwBPD are probably not!

LOL

"Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster." - Nietzsche

[RecycledNoMore]

Thank you so very much

I was having such a difficult time, wondering if maybe I had depression to contend with alongside all my rollercoaster emotions in this ride we call recovery... ., it was clarification for me, that I am/ can, get through this

I was terrified of contemplating the notion I might have had depression, I kept thinking, " do I, dont I, sometimes I dont feel so bad, sometimes I feel great about myself and where Im headed", it comes in waves as the article suggests

[winston3]

This is the third time that I've been to therapy after being let go by my exBPD. Life feels like it has no meaning sometimes. Nothing feels as good without them around. Winter is the worst.

You can't listen to a lot of your favorite songs, you can't eat certain foods, you can't wear certain clothes... .I've had issues sleeping in the same bed. At work you're less productive. You're not attracted to anyone new. The days go on and on.

[Tincanmike]

Thank you so very much

I was having such a difficult time, wondering if maybe I had depression to contend with alongside all my rollercoaster emotions in this ride we call recovery... ., it was clarification for me, that I am/ can, get through this

I was terrified of contemplating the notion I might have had depression, I kept thinking, " do I, dont I, sometimes I dont feel so bad, sometimes I feel great about myself and where Im headed", it comes in waves as the article suggests

I too feel pretty damn good and confident some days, and very closed off and down others. Depression can be treated, grief takes time. Losing my wife was like a death in a way, but even worse in that she is still there. It's like I'm suddenly watching her on some tv show with a whole new life.  Accept the grief, treat the depression that comes with grief and loss. Keep your head up and take care of yourself!

[Pretty Woman]

Tin Can,

    I am still exhausted. 

I got replaced right before Halloween.  But before then I was always tired.  I was so depressed IN this relationship.  I didn't trust her and felt stuck. She did me a huge favor. 

[winston3]

Tin Can,

    I am still exhausted. 

I got replaced right before Halloween.  But before then I was always tired.  I was so depressed IN this relationship.  I didn't trust her and felt stuck. She did me a huge favor. 

I got replaced right after Halloween. 

It's true, isn't it. You can say that you got replaced. What's creepiest is how they forget you... .everything good that you did for them. Suddenly you're just this thing to project their past pains on. The guy looks like me, has a lot of the same interests, etc., And you can tell that he is going to fall right into the trap.

[Pretty Woman]

Winston,

   

Even worse... my birthday was the next week.   

My ex replaced me with a 5'2 runner with greasy stringy hair and bad breath.

I am a curvy gal but fairly attractive.  Used to get mistaken regularly for Sharon Stone even without makeup... .now Lisa Marie Presley. 

My ex is nothing special.  She is attractive but clingy and possessive.  Two weeks before she dumped me she was watching my every move when we'd go out.  My friends said she was very controlling. 

I look at her lopping off my balls (ha ha) as the ultimate control move.  She blocked FB, her number and email.  This is a week after dumping me and saying she loved me very much and we would be best friends. 

?

I challenged the best friend part.  First you tell me we have nothing in common but we are best friends? I told her I refused to be her fallback. 

I think that's when she realized I was on to her. 

She has to eliminate me.  Her new girl is in our social circle... .someone I considered a friend.

God, I need better friends. 



I agree with you.  Is amazing how you are completely erased like you never existed.  That's probably the hardest part.  Even if they treated you like complete shyt how they can move on so quickly... .

The thing is were they ever really there in the first place?

[winston3]

Winston,

   

Even worse... my birthday was the next week.   

My ex replaced me with a 5'2 runner with greasy stringy hair and bad breath.

I am a curvy gal but fairly attractive.  Used to get mistaken regularly for Sharon Stone even without makeup... .now Lisa Marie Presley. 

My ex is nothing special.  She is attractive but clingy and possessive.  Two weeks before she dumped me she was watching my every move when we'd go out.  My friends said she was very controlling. 

I look at her lopping off my balls (ha ha) as the ultimate control move.  She blocked FB, her number and email.  This is a week after dumping me and saying she loved me very much and we would be best friends. 

?

I challenged the best friend part.  First you tell me we have nothing in common but we are best friends? I told her I refused to be her fallback. 

I think that's when she realized I was on to her. 

She has to eliminate me.  Her new girl is in our social circle... .someone I considered a friend.

God, I need better friends. 



I agree with you.  Is amazing how you are completely erased like you never existed.  That's probably the hardest part.  Even if they treated you like complete shyt how they can move on so quickly... .

The thing is were they ever really there in the first place?

Maybe my exBPD was more kind overall than yours. ugh that sounds rough. I literally mean though (about erasure) have you had a conversation with your exBPD where they talk about themselves and maybe a few negative memories involving you but otherwise they can hear nothing but the "news report" from you? Anything else is like a stressor to remind them that hey - you used to exist and you used to have fun with them.

And I'm sorry to hear that your ex makes you feel like you weren't even there in the first place. But you were. This was something that you experienced and that you haven't erased. Maybe that can help you to historicize it and clean the pipes out (in your head) a little.

[RecycledNoMore]

but even worse in that she is still there. It's like I'm suddenly watching her on some tv show with a whole new life. 

Yes, this exactly for me too, but its like a car crash, sometimes I cant look away.