I got closure today

[SummerStorm]

I finally got closure today.  I'm actually shaking with relief and feel like such a huge weight has been lifted.  For those of you who don't know my story, my former friend BPD had an affair with me and kept going back and forth between choosing me and staying with her boyfriend.  Eventually, she chose him once and for all.  In early June, she tried to commit suicide, and a week after getting out of the hospital, she cut me out of her life. 

For three weeks, I communicated with her boyfriend because she had borrowed several things from me and I wanted them back, but he also stopped replying to me, and I never got my stuff back.

Today, when the mail came, I was sorting through it and saw an envelope with her return address written on it.  I opened it with shaking hands.  It was a thank you card from her, thanking me for my friendship and apologizing for not being the friend I thought she was.  She also said that I was a huge factor in her decision to become a better person.  In two months, she and her boyfriend are moving across the country, where her parents live, and she will be getting treatment for her BPD.  She ended by saying that it would be best for everyone involved if I don't contact her anymore.  In a way, this made me feel much better, as it tells me that she really did love me at one point and maybe still does, though we will never be together.

I took a chance and sent her a text, thanking her for giving me true closure, which was even better than her sending back my stuff.  Surprisingly, she replied and said that my stuff is in the mail and should be arriving soon.  I told her that I bought a house, and she said that was awesome.  Then, I sent one last text, telling her that I won't contact her after today and said that she could contact me with updates on her progress if she ever wanted to, but that it would be fine if she didn't. 

None of this worked out the way I wanted it to, obviously.  Two months ago, we were looking at a house together.  Then, after I had accepted that we wouldn't be together and we would just be friends, she ended our friendship.  Now, she is moving three thousand miles away with the man she said she was leaving for me.  Having said that, I'm so glad that I got closure, and that it was in the form of a card, which I can hold in my hands, and which is much more personal than just a text.  I'm also glad that she replied to my text, which is yet another level of closure because the last text message exchanges we had were not pleasant at all, whereas the ones today were friendly.

I don't know if I'll ever hear from her again, but I am happy that she is getting help and that I am a major reason for that.  Sometimes, we enter into a person's life, and even though things don't work out, something good comes out of it.  I still miss her every single day, and I will continue to miss her, especially since I will never see her again, but I now have a reason to look at the past six months as being more positive than negative. 

[rotiroti]

   

None of this worked out the way I wanted it to, obviously.

You say this, but the relief and happiness in your message is palpable and contagious. That's so cool that you got closure that many here yearn for. Very happy for you SummerStorm, can't wait to see future posts and updates!

[joeramabeme]

YAY!  First post I have read with closure.  Happy for you!

[Skip]

I don't know if I'll ever hear from her again, but I am happy that she is getting help and that I am a major reason for that.  Sometimes, we enter into a person's life, and even though things don't work out, something good comes out of it.  I still miss her every single day, and I will continue to miss her, especially since I will never see her again, but I now have a reason to look at the past six months as being more positive than negative. 

It takes a strong person to see through it all... .glad you were able to manage this exchange with grace.  Sounds like it really helped you keep it in perspective - know that while it didn't work - there was something special there.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

It takes a strong person to see through it all... .glad you were able to manage this exchange with grace.  Sounds like it really helped you keep it in perspective - know that while it didn't work - there was something special there.

Grace is the perfect word for your exchange, SummerStorm.  Congratulations on both receiving and giving such grace.  What a wonderful way to walk into the next phase of your life.   

[SummerStorm]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words. 

I'm not going to lie.  Closure does hurt, especially when I know that she will be moving across the country in two months.  For a while, I thought that we could maybe salvage our friendship.  I actually do think of the NC since June as a blessing.  If we would have hung out and continued our friendship all summer, it would have been even harder for me to let go of her in September.  And once she moves, she will have a new address and a new phone number, so I really won't be able to contact her, which will be hard.  Now, if I want to send her a friendly text, even if she doesn't respond, I know she'll read it.

And as amazing as it was to hear from her, even though her replies were short and to the point, while mine were long and rambling, it also made me wish I could go back in time and do things differently.  I got so used to texting her about what I was doing and getting texts from her about what she was doing.  There were so many things that I wanted to tell her today, but I didn't because she wants to go NC and said that it will help her heal.

It will just be hard on her birthday and Christmas because I'll want to send her a quick text and won't even know the number to send it to. 

[rotiroti]

Then, I sent one last text, telling her that I won't contact her after today and said that she could contact me with updates on her progress if she ever wanted to, but that it would be fine if she didn't. 

Not knowing her number will be cool, you'll be able to stick to your last text's message

[SummerStorm]

Then, I sent one last text, telling her that I won't contact her after today and said that she could contact me with updates on her progress if she ever wanted to, but that it would be fine if she didn't. 

Not knowing her number will be cool, you'll be able to stick to your last text's message

Very true.  I guess there's just a part of me that wants her to keep my number, even if it's just to wish me a Merry Christmas or something.  Having said that, she knows my work e-mail address and my personal e-mail address, so it's not like she has absolutely no way of contacting me.  I would just like to, in six months or a year, hear from her and be reassured that she's getting the help she needs.  It just makes me sad that, because of things that happened between us over a six week period, our entire friendship is over.

Of course, there are two sides to everything.  If I had pushed her away before we had sex for the first time and told her to just go home, she would have felt rejected by me, and she would have pushed me away.  She was also cutting at that time and tried to commit suicide six weeks later, so it's hard to tell what she would have done if I had just sent her home.